Healing your soul from Calvinism's damage (repost)
[updated April 2024]
For the 6 years that the new Calvinist pastor was at our church, subtly teaching his Calvinism, my soul was starving. I'm not kidding; I could feel it starving. Shriveling up dry. It wasn't dying - because I have a very strong faith, and my faith is in God, not in some preacher - but it was starved for truth and encouragement and joy, etc. (See "Why Is Calvinism So Dangerous?")
And it wasn't just because of what he was teaching, but it was also because of what he wasn't teaching. He hardly talked about God's love for us, how God cares about us, how He helps us in the hard times, etc. There was no real encouragement, compassion, grace, love, hope, etc. At least not in my eyes.
And it wasn't just because of what he was teaching, but it was also because of what he wasn't teaching. He hardly talked about God's love for us, how God cares about us, how He helps us in the hard times, etc. There was no real encouragement, compassion, grace, love, hope, etc. At least not in my eyes.
Instead, it was often lofty, academic knowledge for the head, hardly ever comfort for the heart. (I think he was more "professor" than "shepherd," more "this is what I think and how I do things, and so should you" than "Let me come alongside you in this hard life and help you on your journey of faith." But maybe that's just me.) And it was often about how depraved we are, how much we don't deserve God's love, how much we deserve hell, how we should just ignore that God predestines people to hell and be thankful that He chose to save any of us wretched sinners (the lucky lottery winners!), and how God "ordains" every evil that happens and every tragedy we go through - including childhood abuse - for our good, for His glory, and to keep us humble.
No wonder my heart was aching and my soul was starving!
(See "Are we only here for God's glory? What about God's love?" and "Is God only concerned about His glory and being famous?" and "Does God cause childhood abuse?" for more on this.)
I don't know about you, but to me, this would be more destructive to faith, not helpful or encouraging, because it's so destructive to God's character. I mean, how can you take comfort in a God (Calvi-god) who causes all evil and sin - things He commands us not to do, but then causes us to do, and then punishes us for doing? A God who says one thing but means another? What kind of a God is that!?! Does that make you want to trust Him and love Him and worship Him more? (Or are you just worshipping Him out of shame and fear, and not the reverential kind?) Does it comfort you in the hard times? Or does it break your heart and your faith?
Calvinism is garbage! Faith-suffocating, joy-killing garbage!
Calvinism is garbage! Faith-suffocating, joy-killing garbage!
Sadly, here are a few testimonies (there's more in my post "Calvinism's Heart-Breaking Destruction") from people who were hurt by Calvinism and ended up leaving the faith altogether:
"My parents used to say 'even the cutest baby is a dirty rotten sinner.' It was somewhat of a joke in our family, but also definitely what we all believed. I’m turning 30 this year and I still have trouble turning down the volume on this narrative about myself. It has led to issues in my friendships, with my partner, and now, with my parents... I have deconstructed to the [point] of agnosticism... This has crippled my emotional growth as an adult in ways..." (foreverlanding)
"The [Calvinist] concept of total depravity is so completely toxic. I'm still unlearning this as well. It does make me angry sometimes thinking about how absolutely f*cked up it is to teach children they are inherently awful just for being... The system is designed to make you feel like a POS [piece of sh*t] just for being a human. I'm 37 now and am agnostic after trying really hard to believe until about 2ish years ago. I feel more hopeful and free without the church." (eab1728)
"Agreed. Total Depravity isn't the "Good News" espoused in Reformed circles... Reformed doctrine never allowed me to truly accept my own self-worth; it robbed me of dignity and replaced it with constant, grating guilt. And it's utterly worthless in the face of real hardship... I am a universalist now, which couldn't be further from Reformed doctrine. And honestly, what a relief." (come_heroine)
"A few years ago I was wondering why my self-esteem was so crap and then suddenly realised that the people who taught me to hate myself were my parents, through the medium of calvinism :)" (pktechboi)
And here's one from Election and Suicide : r/Calvinism (reddit.com) [If you're raising kids in a Calvinist church, take this seriously - because this could be them someday]: "I have recently discovered the doctrine of election and I believe that I am not elect. I don't have any spiritual fruit and I hate God with all my heart. My question is, at this point is it right to want to die? Might as well go to hell now instead of later. I do not want to kill myself (I never will hopefully) but I cant see a reason to live when my end destiny will be the same." (from "deleted")
Doesn't this just break your heart! It's not the way it's supposed to be. And not the way God is.
But is it any wonder that people under Calvinism end up with that kind of despair and hopelessness when this is what Calvinists teach:
John Piper, in answer to the question “Does God Predestine People to Hell?”, says “My answer is yes. God does determine from eternity who will be saved."
John MacArthur: “God's love for the elect is an infinite, eternal, saving love... Such love clearly is not directed toward all of mankind indiscriminately, but is bestowed uniquely and individually on those whom God chose in eternity past.”
Wayne Grudem: “If God ultimately decided to create some creatures to be saved and others not to be saved, then that was his sovereign choice, and we have no moral or scriptural basis on which we can insist that it was not fair... Reformed theologians say that God deems his own glory more important than saving everyone, and that God’s glory is also furthered by the fact that some are not saved.”
John Calvin: "Those, therefore, whom God passes by he reprobates, and that for no other cause but because he is pleased to exclude them from the inheritance which he predestines to his children... individuals are born, who are doomed from the womb to certain death, and are to glorify him by their destruction.... The decree, I admit, is dreadful; and yet it is impossible to deny that God foreknew what the end of man was to be before he made him, and foreknew, because he so ordained by his decree."
R.C. Sproul Jr.: “God wills all things that come to pass… God desired for man to fall into sin... God is as delighted with His wrath as He is with all of His attributes."
John Piper: “Has God predetermined every tiny detail in the universe... and all of our besetting sins?... Yes, every horrible thing and every sinful thing is ultimately governed by God… He controls everything, and he does it for his glory and our good.”
Gordan H. Clark: “... if a man gets drunk and shoots his family, it was the will of God... this view certainly makes God the cause of sin."
Theodore Zachariades: "God works all things after the counsel of His will, even keeping those kings who want to commit adultery from committing so... and when He wants to, He orders those to commit adultery when HE WANTS TO!"
James White, in answer to the question: “When a child is raped, is God responsible and did He decree that rape?”, says "... Yes, [He decreed it] because if not, then it's meaningless and purposeless..."
Mark Talbot/John Piper: “God brings about all things in accordance with his will. It isn’t just that God manages to turn the evil aspects of our world to good for those that love him; it is rather that he himself brings about these evil aspects… This includes God’s having even brought about the Nazi’s brutality at Birkenau and Auschwitz as well as … the sexual abuse of a young child.”
Paul Washer: “If you reject Christ, then the moment when you take your first step through the gates of hell, the only thing you will hear is all of creation standing to its feet and applauding and praising God because God has rid the earth of you. That’s how not good you are."
Kevin DeYoung: "Should Christians rejoice in the doctrine of hell?... in one sense it is appropriate for Christians to say 'I don’t like the idea of hell.' But be careful. It’s never safe to dislike the truths God has revealed. We should actually like what the Bible teaches."
R.C. Sproul: "Don't you know that when you're in heaven, you'll be so sanctified that you'll be able to see your own mother in hell and rejoice in that, knowing that God's perfect justice is being carried out."
Vincent Cheung: “All that God does is intrinsically good and righteous, so it is also good and righteous for him to create the reprobates."
Vincent Cheung: "…man is morally responsible even if he lacks moral ability; that is, man must obey God even if he cannot obey God... man must obey God's commands because God says that man must obey, and whether or not he has the ability to obey is irrelevant."
Vincent Cheung: "God decreed evil ultimately for his own glory... One who thinks that God's glory is not worth the death and suffering of billions of people has too high an opinion of himself and humanity [and] should reconsider their spiritual commitment, to see if they are truly in the faith.”
Vincent Cheung: “The popular position that all infants are saved is wishful thinking, and continues as a groundless religious tradition... Thus [it] deceives the masses and offers them hope based on mere fantasy... if the parents cannot finally accept [the idea of infant damnation], that God is always right, then they are headed for hell themselves and need to become Christians… If someone dies without hearing the gospel, it just means that God has decreed his damnation beforehand... This would mean that those who are unable to exercise faith are all damned to hell, and this would include infants and the mentally retarded... I have no misgivings about this. I have no problem with the idea that all who die as embryos, infants, and mentally retarded would burn in hell... if they all burn in hell, they all burn in hell…”
Calvinism makes me sick!
And I think it's majorly responsible for much of the atheism out there today. Because if this is how God really is (He's not!) - and if people are tricked into thinking that Calvinism and Christianity are one and the same - then it's no wonder people reject God and the gospel. A God like that cannot be trusted and is really no better than Satan.
Of course, even biblical Christianity itself can and does repel people. Some people can't get past the idea of hell or of God allowing evil in the world or of God not answering a desperate prayer the way they wanted. There are many reasons people reject God and the Bible. (If people reject God because bad things happen, then all they're left with is the bad things, with no hope of help, healing, redemption, or of things being set right. Refusing to believe in God because there's pain and evil in the world doesn't take away the pain and evil. All it does is cut you off from the only One who could do anything about that pain and evil.)
But to me, Calvinism makes it so much more likely that people will reject God because Calvi-god is a two-faced, untrustworthy god who wants sin and evil, who is glorified by sin and evil, who causes people to do the evil things he commanded them not to do but then punishes them for it, who never loved most people to begin with, and who created most people specifically so that he could put them in hell, giving them no chance to be saved.
What kind of a god is that!?!
I don't know, but I'll tell you who it's not...
It's not the God of the Bible - a God who truly loves all people, who wants all people to be saved, who died a gruesome, undeserved death for all people, and who extends grace to all and offers salvation to all, but who loves us enough to let us choose for ourselves if we want Him or not. (See "God's greatest priority (and why there's a hell)".)
The fact that the God of the Bible, the Creator of all, allows Himself to be rejected by His own creation - even after dying in our place, taking the penalty we deserve - is incredibly humbling, isn't it? I mean, seriously, isn't that just amazing! And it makes me want to love Him even more.
It would be kinda like having a parent who loves you so much that they push you out of the way of a speeding train, taking the hit that was meant for you... but then while they're lying bleeding and broken on the ground in your place, they let you walk away and leave them there, never looking back, never saying thank you. They're just so thankful that by sacrificing themselves, they could buy you a second chance at life. Because they love you that much.
It really is amazing. And it should make us want to love Him in return.
Calvinism's god who loves himself so much that he chose to predestine people to hell for his glory... and the God of the Bible who loves us so much that He chose to die in our place to offer us salvation from hell... are two very different Gods!
Calvi-god sacrifices people for himself.
The God of the Bible sacrificed Himself for people.
Which one would you love and trust and worship?
Anyway, after 6 years of our pastor's Calvinist preaching (a mini-John MacArthur), my faith was on life-support, gasping for breath. I was aching for some good, soul-refreshing truth. And so after we left our church (which was a huge relief in itself, see this post), I realized that the best thing I could do - what I really needed to do - was to go "back to the basics," even though I had been a Christian for over 30 years.
Maybe it's because Calvinism is such lofty, academic hogwash, or maybe it's just because it destroys the foundational truths of Scripture and God's character, but whatever it was, what I needed most after leaving our church was to hear all the simple, beautiful truths all over again, to replace the lies I'd been hearing for the last 6 years. To heal my heart. To revive my faith. To just rest in His presence again for awhile and learn to enjoy Him again.
And so, based on my experience leaving a Calvinist church (I was never a Calvinist though, so I didn't have the added struggle of restructuring my theological views), here are some of my recommendations for anyone else who is trying to recover from what Calvinism has done to their heart, soul, and faith:
1. Grieve the loss. Feel the pain. Express your doubts and fears and struggles and hurts to God (and to a trusted, godly friend, if possible). The only way to get through it is to go through it. And to go through it with God.
So in prayer, tell God your pain, the damage that's been done, the fears and doubts Calvinism's created, the messed-up views you have of Him now, how much you don't know or can't figure out, the things that scare you, etc. Pour it all out to Him honestly. (He can handle it.)
Don't blame Him for Calvinism's errors and damage. Don't wall yourself off from Him or walk away from Him in pain, anger, or disgust. God Himself hates lies (and Calvinism is a big lie). God Himself hurts when His truth and character are attacked (and Calvinism attacks God's truth and character). And God Himself hurts with us when we hurt, especially if the damage has been done in His name. So He is hurting with you. He wants more for you. He wants to heal the damage Calvinism's done to you in His name.
But He needs you to let Him do it. He needs you to open yourself up to Him honestly, to reach out for Him, even if you're scared or hurt or angry. He cannot heal you and help you on the right path if you reject Him along with the Calvinism.
Calvinism is not the gospel!
So get rid of the Calvinism, but keep the gospel, keep your faith, keep Jesus.
2. Simplify. Slow down. Breathe.
There may be a point when you need to briefly get away from everything for awhile: church in general, friends, any kind of study (even researching against Calvinism), traditions, religious rituals, etc.
[When we first left our church, I was ready to never set foot in another church again. We actually spent a year or so at home on Sundays, just watching good sermons with our kids, letting truth replace the lies. Then we found another couple to meet with on Sundays, just reading Scripture together, for about a year and a half. But then for the sake of their older son, they had to find a real church to attend that he liked. And so we were back to being alone for awhile. And then eventually, we found a church with good theology, even if we have to tolerate the loud music and big, impersonal style for now. Seasons of life. And that's okay.]
Take time for you, to just decompress, to breathe, to heal, to reach a healthy balance - especially if you came from a legalistic, performance-based church or mindset, or if the journey out of Calvinism has been emotionally hard on you.
Get rid of the legalistic, ritualistic "shoulds" for now - the "I should do this, I should do that, I need to try harder or do more or be better" things we do to try to please or impress God, others, or ourselves, to be the "good Christian" we're "supposed to be" - and just let yourself fall into the arms of God and rest there awhile.
You may even need to stop trying so hard to find the "right" words to pray, maybe even - when the words won't come - just letting silence be your prayer for awhile. It's okay to not have the words sometimes. God knows your heart better than you do.
Hab. 2:20: “But the Lord is in his holy temple; let all the earth be silent before him.”
(When you can't find the words or energy or faith to pray, it also helps to let worship songs be your prayer, and to simply recite Psalms or the Lord's Prayer in Matthew 6:9-13, and to pray Scripture. This has been immensely helpful to me when I'm struggling with prayer.)
Sometimes, it's time to stop doing so that you can focus on just being for awhile - just being with God and letting Him be with you. He doesn't always want or need us to do things for Him (or even need us to know what to do or how to do it).
Sometimes, He just wants us to be with Him, to let Him hold us and tell us it's okay.
Psalm 46:10: "Be still and know that I am God!"
So don't worry about the man-made rules and traditions, about learning more "doctrines," or about what "good Christians" are "supposed to do." Get rid of all the extra things that we humans have piled on top of faith over the centuries, the things that obscure and smother and suffocate it... and just learn to enjoy God again. His creation. His goodness. His blessings. His love.
When you're coming out of Calvinism, you've probably been starved of this for a long time, instead spending your time, energy, and brain cells learning heavy, complicated, theological ideas (wrong ones!). You've been learning so much about God that you've missed out on being with God.
But what does Jesus's name "Emmanuel" mean?
God with us.
God with us.
And yet we make Him into an academic project, studying Him like an amoeba under a microscope, trying to learn more than the next guy, struggling to get to the top of the intellectual-theological heap.
Hurray for us!
And yet all the while, God just wants to be with us, so much so that Jesus came to earth in a human body to die for us.
After leaving Calvinism or a Calvinist church, take some time to pause, to simplify, to learn to enjoy Him again, trust Him again, love Him again, and get to know Him again, as He is in His Word.
It's not going to be pain-free, but you're going to come out the other end with a purer, stronger, more genuine faith and trust in God. And that's a very good thing.
Recently, a friend who's struggling with the Calvinism in our previous church asked me how it feels to now attend a non-Calvinist church.
My answer?
It feels like this:
[For more help with emotional struggles, see "Getting through the 'broken' times" or "26 tips for dealing with depression or anxiety" or "Is depression a sin?" or "Help for anxiety, depression, and suicidal thoughts."]
3. Keep your studies and Bible reading simple too. Take off the Calvinist glasses, put away the lofty, complicated theology books, and forget the Calvinist interpretations of verses and their views of God, faith, salvation, mankind, etc.... and get back to the Bible again, to what God actually says, instead of what Calvinists tell you God said.
Put your faith back in God as He revealed Himself to be, not in some preacher and what they tell you to believe about God.
One thing I noticed about our Calvinist pastor is that he always said "The Bible teaches..." before sharing a Calvinist idea. "Teaches, teaches, teaches..." Not "The Bible says..."
And do you know why I think this is? Because the Bible never actually says the things they think it does. But if they redefine words and cobble together enough half-verses taken out of context, they can make it look like the Bible "teaches" their ideas, even though it never outright says it.
Forget what Calvinists tell you the Bible "teaches," and instead read it for what it actually says.
Start from the beginning again, the beginning of the Old or the New Testament. And read it as God wrote it, in context, paying attention to how He interacts with people, how He feels about people, what He expects of us, how He reveals Himself, etc. Trust that He said what He meant and meant what He said, the way He said it.
Your goal is not to learn any deep, academic, high-minded, spiritually-elite "mysteries" (as Calvinism is all about), but it's simply to learn to read the Bible as God wrote it, to get to know God as He is, to get to know mankind as He sees us, and to understand what God says is the truth, the gospel.
Start spending time with God again, instead of wasting time learning what Calvinists tell you about God.
I think, in Calvinism, people easily mistake learning more information (bad, unbiblical information!) for growing in the faith. They mistake head knowledge for spiritual maturity. They mistake devotion to a systematic theology for devotion to God.
And while they're having fun playing with all their theological toys, they won't realize just how far off the spiritual rails they've gotten. Not until it's too late. Not until much damage has been done.
Take off the Calvinist glasses, dump the Calvinist books, get off your theological pedestal... and lower yourself back down to child-level again, to the simple, commonsense truths of the Bible again. Meet with God in His Word and in prayer - without Calvinists looking over your shoulder and telling your how to do it - and get to know God and Jesus all over again, fresh and new and simple.
Sidenote: I think for some people who leave Calvinism for the simpler truths, it's almost like coming full circle. Many of them as new believers started with the simple truths. They took the Bible at face-value, believing that God said things in a commonsense way, that He meant what He said and said what He meant the way He wrote it. They never would have dreamed that there were (supposedly) deeper, hidden, mysterious levels underneath the plain, clear teachings of Scripture. Deeper levels they needed other men to help them figure out.
But eventually those simple truths got to feel stale, like "The Bible for Dummies." And so since they're no dummy, they wanted more - more mystery, more excitement, more challenges to figure out. How else could they stand out from the crowd? Simple truths are for simpletons. Simple is not good enough. Simple doesn't get you a spot among the spiritually-elite "giants of the faith."
And so wanting to take their faith to the next level, they left simple for Calvinism.
I'm sure they had a real desire to grow in faith and glorify God and humble themselves, but Satan used their good desires/intentions to lure them away from truth and to get them to fall for Calvinism which is full of deep, hidden, intellectually-complex "mysteries." (Self-created mysteries, mind you. Their bad theology created the puzzling "mysteries" and contradictions that they then try to solve, leading to more bad theology.) And this satisfies them for awhile as they convince themselves that all the information they're gaining and "mysteries" they're wrestling with means that they're growing in the faith, in spiritual maturity.
But eventually, they begin to feel strangled and suffocated by these "mysteries," by lofty, convoluted, contradictory Calvinist theology. And theologically, they can't see the forest for the trees anymore. Maybe they even begin to sense that they're missing out on the heart of God, missing joy and peace and security and comfort. And they want out.
And so if they don't toss out faith altogether by retreating into atheism, they toss off the shackles of Calvinism to run back to the simple joy of the simple truths of Scripture. Full circle.
Sadly, many people seem to need to try this for themselves, to taste the faith-killing damage of Calvinism before they realize that the simple truths of Scripture are all they really need. And so as one person is getting out of Calvinism, someone else is getting in. It's sad.
[On a similar note, here are two posts I just found about the nature, roots, and appeal of Calvinism: "Origen's Revenge" from The Gospelist at Rapture Ready, and "The Pagan, Gnostic Origin of Calvinism" from 20/20 Scriptural Vision Ministry.]
4. Taking off the Calvinist glasses won't be easy. And it will take time. It took a lot of time to get you into Calvinism, for Calvinists to train you to read the Bible and see God in Calvinist ways [see "The 9 Marks of a Calvinist Cult"]... and it's going to take some time to reverse it.
So be patient with yourself and with God, and know that He's going to be patient with you too. One day at a time is just fine. It's going to take time to heal, to unlearn all the bad theology you've been taught so that you can finally see what God's Word really says and what God is really like.
And this is one reason why it's so important to be open and honest with your heavenly Father along the way, to stay connected to Him. Because if you take your anger at Calvinism out on God by closing yourself off to Him, you're going to pay a price. And the longer you spend closed off to Him, the farther you'll drift from Him and the harder it will be to get closer to Him again later (and the more bad consequences you might cause in your life).
But if you take the slow, painful journey with Him, He'll lead you step by tiny step to truth and healing and recovery. So pray for God to help you do that, to help you undo the Calvinist brainwashing, to walk with you on your journey of healing and of relearning truth all over again.
[And I totally understand if that means fully staying away from church for awhile. Like I said, we did that too. And that's okay. Seasons of life. But don't leave God when you leave the church. He did not do this damage to you; Calvinism did. So stay connected to Him through His Word and prayer, and even through things like spending time in His creation, enjoying nature, taking walks, working in the garden, listening to worship music, etc. It takes time to learn to want Him again, to trust Him again, to love Him again. And as you spend time in His presence, slowly but surely the dying embers of your faith will be rekindled. Go slow and give it time. You'll see.]
5. If you can, find a supportive friend to talk to along the way (or maybe to do a personal Bible study with). That will help a lot.
But if you can't - and if you need an outlet - maybe contact someone who speaks against Calvinism and share your story. (Or leave a comment for me at The Comment Corral. I'll "listen" to your story, your pain. And I'll understand.)
Or start an anonymous blog like mine to share your experience and what you've learned. Maybe no one in your life wants to hear what you're going through or what you're thinking or what you've learned, but someone out there does. Someone out there is going through it, too, and wants whatever help or support you can offer, even if it's just to know that they're not alone and not crazy.
So find a way to turn the bad into something good. Pray and ask God how you can use your experience to take a stand for truth and to help other people or the Church in general.
6. Resist the urge to find another "-ism" right away (or ever again), to jump from one theological system to the next (maybe one just as bad, or worse).
Sometimes, in their efforts to get away from one extreme, people will swing to the other extreme, tossing out the baby with the bathwater. And so in their effort to escape a lofty, legalistic, restrictive, makes-me-feel-bad theology like Calvinism, they'll seek refuge in a loosey-goosey, touchy-feely, whatever-makes-me-happy theology like, say, Universalism.
Or maybe they'll just go to different version of what they already had, from an overtly hard-Calvinist church to a covertly soft-Calvinist church. Or maybe they'll decide that no God is better than Calvinism's god.
Resist the urges to do these things. Don't jump from the frying pan into the fire. Don't rush from one bad church/theology to another. You'll just compound the heartache.
You're not leaving faith in God. You're leaving Calvinism's bad ideas about faith and God. And that's a good thing. Painful, but good and healing.
And so before seeking out a new theology to cling to or identify with - and even if you're checking out new churches in the meantime - spend lots of time getting to know God's Word well, on your own, without other people's interpretations of it.
If you didn't know God's Word well enough to avoid Calvinism the last time, you may not be able to avoid a different but equally destructive theology this time, unless you learn God's Word well for yourself.
And yes, you can understand God's Word and the gospel just fine on your own. Maybe not the more confusing, symbolic, prophetic parts that most of us struggle with, but you can understand the most important parts of Scripture on your own, the basics, the gospel. Contrary to how Calvinism and Calvinists make you feel, you do not need other people to tell you how to understand the basics of Scripture. It's for all people. Adults and children. The lofty and the simple-minded. White collars and blue collars. So do not be intimidated, thinking that you need others to tell you what God meant to say. God said what He said the way He meant it to be said, and you can understand it. And the Holy Spirit in you - if you are a believer - will help you understand it. You'll do just fine learning what you really need to know for now with just your Bible, prayer, and the Holy Spirit.
Before worrying about finding a new "-ism" or maybe even a new church, focus primarily on getting to know God and His Truth well and on fanning the dying embers of your faith and your joy/peace/security in Christ. (Plus, the closer you get to God and His truth, the more discerning you'll be and the easier it will be for Him to lead you to the right church when it's time.)
7. And I would pray and ask God to send heavenly angels to keep evil ones away so that evil cannot trip you up, hurt you, or blind you again. Pray for the Spirit's help along the way. And don't forget that as a believer, you have the right to command demons to leave in Jesus's name.
If Calvinism is a false gospel (and I think it is) - if it's an attack on God's truth and character and Jesus's sacrifice and people's faith (and I think it is) - then this is more than just human error. It's demonic lies and schemes, a satanic attack on God's truth, on the gospel. It's spiritual warfare. And so be prepared, and treat it as such.
Satan won't like it that you're leaving his lies for God's truth. You could cause him a lot of trouble, messing up his plans and his progress. And so he won't let you go easily. He'll try to get in your way. So learn what spiritual warfare is (and what it's not) and how to engage in it.
And be aware of other areas of your life he might attack, other vulnerabilities you have, and take precautions. Be vigilant, alert, on guard, and proactive. Because like it or not, there's a spiritual war raging around us all the time, even if we stick our heads in the sand and pretend it's not true.
But don't fall for the wacky, formulaic, human-effort-based, or sensationalized stuff. Typical spiritual warfare is biblical and matter-of-fact. Serious, but matter-of-fact. Not overblown, Hollywood-like, scary-movie drama full of man-made rituals and earthly tools. I suggest watching Tony Evans' sermons on spiritual warfare. Or read books by Neil T. Anderson, such as The Bondage Breaker, Victory Over the Darkness, or Freedom from Fear: Overcoming Worry and Anxiety. (On my other blog, I started a series on spiritual warfare. I'm not getting through it fast, but I'm working on it.)
Above all, learn what the Bible says about spiritual warfare, and let that be your guide, your comfort, your best weapon against evil.
And I know you're probably scoffing about all this now. Go ahead and scoff. I did too when someone first told me about their experience with demonic harassment.
But even if you scoff now, just remember that the Word is the sword of the Spirit. And this doesn't just mean reading it, but it means speaking it out loud, like Jesus did when Satan was tempting Him in the desert. Speaking applicable Bible verses out loud and praying Scripture is a spiritual weapon - using God's Word defensively or offensively against temptations, demons, and evil schemes. And so when Satan tells you his lies, you speak God's truth. (And remember the line "In the name of Jesus Christ, I command you to leave," in case you ever need it.)
Sidenote: If you're coming out of Calvinism, you've been trained to see Satan as "God's Satan," that God has preplanned, causes, and controls everything Satan does. In Calvinism, there really is no difference between God and Satan. Satan is merely another form of God. God in disguise.
(It's one thing to say that God is over Satan, that Satan can't do anything unless God allows it. But it's another thing to say that God controls Satan, that God preplans and causes everything Satan does and that nothing different could have happened because we have no choice about how we respond to anything.)
And this has probably made you question the point of prayer and wonder if we have any ability to resist evil or decide how to respond to temptations or trials or spiritual attacks. You've probably wondered if anything we do or don't do makes any difference at all. Because what will be, will be, right? Didn't God plan it all and cause it all and control it all, and so we can't do anything to affect it or change it? So what's the point of prayer? Of spiritual warfare? Of worrying about what we do or don't do or how we live or what we think? Etc.
(I once read of an adulterous man who was confronted by his Calvinist pastor about his affair... and the man asked the pastor something like "Aren't you the one who says that God ordains everything we do, even all sins and evils? That whatever happens is God's Will and that we can't resist God's Will? Therefore, my affair is God's Will, and I couldn't do anything to resist it." And the Calvinist pastor had no reply.)
Calvinism is a great way for Satan to create a whole bunch of ineffective Christians who can't effectively pray because they don't think prayer really does anything other than "show devotion to God" and who can't engage effectively in spiritual warfare because they think that it's all been planned out and that nothing they do can have any real effect on what happens. It's tragic, and a huge detriment to the Church, as well as to their own lives.
This will be something you need to learn, maybe for the first time: what the spiritual battle is, how God has ordered the spiritual world (how it works), what our responsibilities are, what prayer is, and what effects we have on God's Will and on what happens.
You need to learn what's God's job and what's yours - because sitting back and believing that God fully controls all things and that you don't really have an effect on what happens will make you a defenseless sitting-duck, unprepared for Satan's attacks and unable to defend yourself against them. (If you're interested, read my series on "Understanding God's Will, with notes on Calvinism.")
8. Enjoy your journey out of Calvinism, the undoing of the brainwashing. You broke free from an unbiblical, cult-ish theology, so rejoice and thank God! Yes, there will be heartache and loss. Yes, you will stumble along the way. And yes, it will take time to heal your heart and rebuild your faith. But you are on your way! You've already taken to the first steps to freedom and healing. And that's a good thing. A very good thing!
And the farther you get from Calvinism and the closer you get to God's truth, the more refreshed your spirit will be. It'll be like coming to the surface for a huge gulp of air after you've been drowning for years. Like waking up from a nightmare you were trapped in and realizing that things are really okay, that it's going to be a good day. Like being a baby Christian all over again, getting to experience God and His Word again with fresh eyes and new joy.
And it will be good. So enjoy it.
(And when you're ready, use your story to help others get out of Calvinism and to heal too. Sometimes, the best way for God to heal our pain is to use it for the good of others.)
9. And finally, here are some specific resources I recommend to help you on the journey to healing.
For my post on how I would explain salvation, see "Starting Your Own Relationship With Jesus (And Why We Need Him!)"
For help on being discerning about Calvinism and what the Bible really says, see "12 Tips on How to Think Critically about Calvinism."
Click here for my more comprehensive posts about Calvinism: "Is Calvinism's TULIP Biblical?" and "The 9 Marks of a Calvinist Cult" and "Why is Calvinism so dangerous?" and "We left our church because of Calvinism: Things my Calvinist pastor said" and "How to tell if a church, pastor, or website is Calvinist (simplified version)"
Some websites (videos) against Calvinism (just because I link to someone doesn't mean I listened to or agree with everything they say, so be discerning for yourself):
Beyond The Fundamentals (FYI: I do have some significant, potential concerns about him and the direction he's headed in. And I don't like that pits himself against Leighton Flowers and Provisionism, though I understand his concerns and where he's coming from. But be careful and discerning for yourselves.)
I know there's so many great videos against Calvinism out there, but I haven't watched too many of them - because when I get time, I read (I prefer reading to watching) or I go to Tony Evans, my favorite and most trusted pastor. He's my go-to for biblical truth, encouragement for my soul, and food for my faith.
Sermons: I totally recommend anything and everything by Dr. Tony Evans. (See "Tony Evans preaches on prayer and God's Will" and "Sermons by Tony Evans", and click here for his YouTube channel.) Really, I can't recommend him enough. Such truth. So biblically-accurate. Practical, refreshing, soul-healing. He really was a huge source of healing for my soul after leaving our church.
I also recommend sermons by Billy Graham, Greg Laurie, Charles Stanley, (not his son Andy Stanley, but Charles Stanley), Andy Woods (whom a friend really recommends), and Ralph Yankee Arnold (a recommendation from my husband).
And I recently rediscovered Willow Creek Church, which I knew from way back in the day. I know Willow is overcoming a massive scandal with its last pastor, Bill Hybels, but I've been watching it again online and I think it's doing quite well now. It's not the seeker-level church it used to be, and it seems to be rebuilding nicely from the scandal, having gotten rid of a lot of leadership from that time and pretty much starting over again. After coming from a Calvinist church, I am finding it very healing and encouraging, simple truths for everyone.
So maybe give Willow a try if you're looking for some good online sermons, maybe start where I did, at their Christmas series in 2022. Here are some links to get you started: "It's a Wonderful Life" (Dec 11) and "How the Grinch Stole Christmas" (Dec 18) and "Twinkle All the Way: How to find lasting joy" (Jan 1). I missed the first one in that Christmas series, but here it is: "Elf: How to deal with family stress."
[And I'm not going to get into the whole debate about woman pastors and the fact that a woman is preaching one of the sermons. I've decided that my "lines in the sand" - the ones I won't cross - are certain denominations I won't attend (but I'm not sharing which ones), if a church is LGBTQ-affirming, if a church talks in tongues or does other "charismatic" type things (it's just not for me!), if a church is a rich, flashy, "prosperity gospel" type church, or if a church has a woman for a head pastor, which often goes hand-in-hand with wokeness.
But for me, having "lower-level" women pastors who are under a male leader is going to have to fall into the "gray area." (Yet I'll still stay on high alert and keep my eyes open for it if inches too close to my lines in the sand. One thing Calvinism has done to me - for good or bad - is made me highly alert, critical, cautious, and (unfortunately) cynical of everything coming from a pastor or church.)
Having been in the church for over 30 years and gone to various different kinds, I can confidently say that no church will do it perfectly or will meet all of our qualifications. And so when it comes to all the different problems churches have nowadays, we are all going to have to decide which issues we can compromise on and which we can't.
And for me, I would rather a church that has lower-level women pastors but that preaches biblical truth, upholds God's character, and preaches the true gospel... than a church that has all male pastors but that teaches a false gospel, undermines God's Word, and destroys God's character and truth. For me, the issue of women in lower-level pastoral positions is not a gospel issue, but Calvinism is.
Movies: For some encouraging Christian movies, I recommend one of my favorites: Do You Believe? It's a serious drama and a tear-jerker (I cry every time), but it's so good and so encouraging to me because it's about how everyone matters to God, how salvation is available to everyone, no matter what you've done.
And I love, love, love Jesus Revolution. It's right up there with Do You Believe? No matter who you are or where you've been or what you've done, God can turn your life around. No one is beyond the reach of God's grace, love, forgiveness, hope, or healing!
There are lots more great Christian movies, but here are two more I really like: Facing the Giants (click here for my post on it) and War Room.
Books: These are some books that were so encouraging to me, that helped revive my faith when leaving my Calvinist church. Above all, I would recommend:
Just Give Me Jesus by Anne Graham Lotz
Our God is Awesome by Tony Evans
Theology You Can Count On by Tony Evans (the must-have theology book for everyone!)
These are some books I've found helpful as I set out to undo the damage Calvinism has done.
He loves all people with a saving love. He died for everyone so that anyone can be saved, if only they will choose to believe in Him. He is reaching out His hand to all people, asking us to grab onto Him, to let Him love us and heal us and save us! All of us. Everyone.
This is my Jesus! My God! My Lord and Savior!
My Jesus by Todd Agnew
Fell Apart by The City Harmonic (my favorite opening line ever!)
Love, Heal Me by The City Harmonic
Healing Begins by Tenth Avenue North
Strong Enough by Matthew West
Here and There by The City Harmonic ("If I'm barely hangin' on..." I get that!)
The Champion by Carman
(And there are more great songs in these posts: My "When Anxiety Strikes" Playlist and To All Who Are Ashamed or Hurting.)
The Promise: Experiencing God's Greatest Gift, The Holy Spirit by Tony Evans
These are four books I think every Christian should have anyway, but especially if they are coming out of Calvinism. These books have been so encouraging to my heart and healing to my soul and have helped immerse me in truth again. (Neither author, though, talks against Calvinism directly. They just preach truth!)
And for a few more recommendations:
Life Essentials by Tony Evans
Kingdom Prayer by Tony Evans
Any and every book by Tony Evans
Any book or sermon by Billy Graham, even his autobiography Just As I Am. He is an evangelist for the seeker, the Every Man. He keeps the messages simple and believes that salvation is available for everyone and that the gospel is meant for everyone. (Basically, he's almost the polar opposite of Calvinism.) And after years of Calvinism's lofty "only the elect" and "God predestines everything" and "God only really cares about His glory" lies, it's so refreshing to hear from someone who believes that the gospel message is simple and meant for all people and that God really does love us all.
Any book by Max Lucado (I know lots of lofty Christians smirk at him because he's "Bible-lite." But trust me, when you're coming out of lofty Calvinism, that's just what you need - books that get rid of all the heavy, academic stuff and that bring you right to the heart of faith again, of God's love for you. And so in that way, Lucado books have been great and healing.)
Any book by C.S. Lewis (whom I love, not just as a writer but as a person, as a believer, his faith journey - I'm addicted to him!), such as Mere Christianity or Screwtape Letters or even a biography about his life and faith called A Life Observed: A Spiritual Biography of C.S. Lewis by Devin Brown.
These are some books I've found helpful as I set out to undo the damage Calvinism has done.
In addition to those faith books, I also recommend - to help rebuild your faith in God - books that validate the Bible, Jesus, and the existence of God, such as...
Case for Faith and Case for Christ by Lee Strobel [Here's his documentary The Case for Christ, about his journalistic efforts to disprove Jesus's resurrection - which ultimately led to him believing in Jesus's resurrection and accepting Jesus as his Lord and Savior. And there's also a movie about it by the same name.]
More Than a Carpenter and Answers to Tough Questions skeptics ask about the Christian faith by Josh McDowell
And even books that validate the biblical account of Genesis, such as The New Answers books by Ken Ham. (*See below for links to videos about creation vs. evolution. And FYI, I think Ken Ham might be a Calvinist - or at least, Calvinist-lite. But if he is, it doesn't come out because he's focused on creation, not soteriology. And so as long as he keeps his Calvinism to himself, between him and God, I'm okay with it. I can still enjoy and learn from his many great resources on creation vs. evolution.)
Sometimes, after the damage Calvinism does to our faith, we need to get back to the very basics, the proofs for God, Jesus, and the Bible. We need to be reminded why the Bible can be trusted so that we don't toss it out along with the Calvinism.
Music: And I highly recommend listening to some godly encouraging music, maybe while taking a walk or working in your garden, enjoying God's beautiful creation. Sometimes music can reach into the places that words can't.
Below are links to some of my favorite songs about who Jesus really is and why He really came. (Hint: He came for everyone, out of love, to offer everyone salvation, forgiveness, healing, and hope. Everyone!)
These songs show the kind of Jesus I serve and why I love Him so much.
He loves all people with a saving love. He died for everyone so that anyone can be saved, if only they will choose to believe in Him. He is reaching out His hand to all people, asking us to grab onto Him, to let Him love us and heal us and save us! All of us. Everyone.
This is my Jesus! My God! My Lord and Savior!
(And I will continue to post and repost these songs because they are just so powerful! So hopeful and truth-filled.)
My Jesus by Todd Agnew
Confession (Agnus Dei) by The City Harmonic
Fell Apart by The City Harmonic (my favorite opening line ever!)
Love, Heal Me by The City Harmonic
By Your Side by Tenth Avenue North
Worn by Tenth Avenue North (Can anyone else understand the feeling of being tired just from the effort it takes to "keep on breathing"? But God is there, reaching for you, waiting for you to reach out for Him.)
Healing Begins by Tenth Avenue North
Strong Enough by Matthew West
Holy (Wedding Day) by The City Harmonic
Here and There by The City Harmonic ("If I'm barely hangin' on..." I get that!)
The Champion by Carman
(And there are more great songs in these posts: My "When Anxiety Strikes" Playlist and To All Who Are Ashamed or Hurting.)
Don't let Calvinism have the last word in your faith. If your soul has been starving because of it, you need to get back to the basics, even if you've been a Christian for a long time. Go back to the basics and let God's Truth replace the lies you've been told, heal your heart, refresh your soul, and help you learn to trust God and fall in love with Jesus all over again.
*Videos about creation and evolution, to help validate the Bible and your faith in it. (I might just as easily call this part "healing your soul from evolution's damage." Because if you can't trust what God said in Genesis, can you really trust what He said anywhere else in the Bible? Undermining Genesis undermines God's Word, the validity of the Bible. I showed these videos to my sons as part of our homeschooling, helping them find a solid foundation.):
What's the Best "Proof" of Creation (3.5 minutes)
Rock layers and fossils prove a worldwide flood (1 hour)
Rock layers and fossils prove a worldwide flood (1 hour)
Fossils and the Flood (3.5 minutes)
Science Confirms the Bible (1 1/2 hours)
Atheists will hate this video (1 hour)
The Grand Canyon proves there was a flood (13 minutes)
Did Dinosaurs Walk With Man - a 45-minute seminar from Genesis Apologetics
God of Wonders - an hour and a half "documentary" on the wonders of the God's creationKen Ham on "Why They Won't Listen": Part 1 (20 minutes) ... Part 2 (20 minutes) ... Part 3 (13 minutes)
Kent Hovind Creation Series (long videos, 1-2 hour each):
Part 1: The Age of the Earth
Part 2: The Garden of Eden
Part 3: Dinosaurs and the Bible
Part 4: Lies in the Textbook
Part 5: The Dangers of Evolution
Part 6: The Hovind Theory
Part 7 part1: Questions and Answers
Part 1: The Age of the Earth
Part 2: The Garden of Eden
Part 3: Dinosaurs and the Bible
Part 4: Lies in the Textbook
Part 5: The Dangers of Evolution
Part 6: The Hovind Theory
Part 7 part1: Questions and Answers
Evidence for a World-Wide Flood - Operation Wisconsin Dells from Creation Today [Notice how the young male "scientist" wants to consider any other explanation for what he sees than a world-wide flood. And notice around the 41-minute mark how he says "reality is based on perspective" and calls his ideas "my reality" and says "I decide...," as if our beliefs determine what's real and what's not. This is what students are being taught nowadays. But is reality really reality if it can change based on someone's beliefs? One person believes a world-wide flood happened; one person believes it didn't happen. Can both be true? Are both reality? Does our belief about what happened make it so? Is there anything such as "reality" anymore if reality can shift as we want it to? And can science and "reality is based on perspective" really go together anyway? Wouldn't "reality is based on perspective" be the exact opposite of science? But this is what scientists are being taught nowadays. God help our society! I can see now how we got medical "professionals" and scientists who claim there is no such thing as male and female. It's an upside-down world. Ridiculous. Very Alice-in-Wonderlandy.)
From Search for the Truth Ministries (I'm really enjoying these!):
Let us introduce ourselves ... (A 56-minute video totally worth watching. The social experiment in the eye doctor's office alone made it worth watching. It had me completely giggling, even later in the day as I thought about it again. Even many months later now I still think about it, shake my head, and giggle. We are so gullible!)
The Rocks Cry Out Lesson 1 (Science testifies to Creation)
The Rocks Cry Out Lesson 2 (the Red Record)
The Rocks Cry Out Lesson 3 (Design testifies to Creation)
The Rocks Cry Out Lesson 4 (Noah's Flood and Geology)
The Rocks Cry Out Lesson 5 (Dragons and Dinosaurs)
(You can find the rest of the lessons on their website.)
And here's the Answers in Genesis website for many more videos.
Also, if you want, see my posts "Maybe 'millions of years' is actually just 40 days!" and "Though they have eyes, they will not see" and "If it's not natural, maybe it's ..." and "Is Evolution True?" and "Starting the new school year with Creation vs. Evolution."
God bless you on your journey out of Calvinism. You are on your way to healing, and it's going to be good.
