A "Parody" of John Piper's "How to Teach and Preach 'Calvinism'"

Check out this article by John Piper called "How to Teach and Preach 'Calvinism'".  Now here is my take on what Piper really means to say, on how Calvinists teach and preach Calvinism: 

1.  Always point to a Scripture verse, even if it's taken out of context, and say "See, it's in the Bible, so you have to believe it, even if it doesn't make sense."  Such as, if you point to a verse with the word "predestined" in it and say "See, the Bible teaches predestination," then they be more willing to accept Calvinism (without questioning exactly what it is that is "predestined").  The more verses you refer to, the more they'll trust you and the more biblical they'll think Calvinism is.

2.  Always associate Calvinism with "the truth" and "the Gospel" and "God's Word" and "God Himself."  Tell people "It's okay to struggle with the 'truth' of predestination, to…

Why Would God Need To Harden The Reprobate?

Calvinists love to say that "God hardened their hearts" means that God caused the non-elect to not believe in Him, because He predestined them for hell.    

But why would God need to harden the non-elect if the non-elect can NEVER come to Him anyway because He didn't make salvation possible for them?  

Here is a comment I left on the Soteriology 101 blog, in the post "Condemned for factors beyond the agent's control?"  It's about a Calvinists favorite "but you're dead" argument, which relates to what I'm talking about.

One of Calvinism’s favorite sayings was brought up in a recent comment: “Man is spiritually dead … so therefore God has to give him (the elect) a new heart (i.e. “force faith on him through election).”

But the fundamental problem with this is that Calvinists decide for themselves what “dead” means, contrary to the Bible.  They say that “spiritually dead” is just like being physically dead, like how a dead body just lays the…

How can Calvinists be effective in spiritual warfare?

I was thinking of this last night as I fell asleep:  

How can a Calvinist be effective in spiritual warfare when they believe ...

... that God has predestined the way everything will happen, and nothing we do can change it?

... that God ultimately causes us to do what we do, so we have no real control over our actions anyway?

... that everything that happens is because God caused it to happen that way, everything that happens is His Will?  (So why bother fighting against anything that happens?)

... that God always causes demons to do exactly what they do, for His Will and His glory?  (So then I guess the whole "spiritual battle" is really just a farce anyway, a dramatic play.  So why should we try to work against demons, because wouldn't that really be working against "God's Will" and the things He's doing "for His glory"?)

... that prayer is really just a meaningless formality that doesn't have any effect on anything because it's all been p…

A Calvinist Pastor Shames Those Who Know Too Much

I may have posted this link already.  I can't remember.  But I'll do it again.  In this post (link below, but don't read it until you've read my paraphrase of what he's saying), a Calvinist pastor basically describes how anti-Calvinists cause trouble because they have educated themselves too much about Calvinism online.  Of course, he doesn't come right out and say it exactly that way, but it's there.  Oh, yes it is!

Calvinist Pastors And Non-Calvinist Churches: Candidating, Pastoring, And Moving On
For fun (my fun!), here is my paraphrase of some of what that Calvinist pastor really means.  This is what I believe he's really saying behind the words he uses (my paraphrase of his words are in black, and my comments about it are in pink):

"I want to warn you Calvinist pastors about a group of people who might give you trouble: Anti-Calvinists.  Anti-Calvinists do not celebrate the doctrines of grace like we humble, theologically-superior Calvinists d…

Some Great Anti-Calvinism Videos

I don't necessarily agree with everything in the things I link to, but they are definitely worth watching ...

Truth vs. Heresy (Christianity vs. Calvinism) - a little goofy and robotic, but interesting look at some of the nonsensical Calvinists arguments

Hitler and Calvinism - Love it!  Love it!  Love it!

Greg Boyd - Calvinism Refuted in 10 Minutes - Excellent!  MUST WATCH!!!  And he makes a great point about how Calvi-god is basically worse than the devil because at least the devil is honest about who he is, and so you know what you're getting with him!  But not so with Calvi-god!

Man Saved Out Of Calvinism Gives Testimony

Questions That Calvinists Cannot Answer (Calvinism Is Not Biblical!)

Why I'm Not A Calvinist

A Lead Pastor Leaves Calvinism and Apologizes to the Congregation for Misleading Them and
Do You Really Believe God Is Sovereign?(And you can google many more great videos on YouTube from Leighton Flowers at Soteriology 101)
Are Calvinists Saved?  (More great videos at

Calvinism - A Different Gospel!

Calvinism teaches a different Gospel!
The God of the Bible loves all people and wants all people to be saved.  Calvi-god does not.
The Jesus of the Bible died for all men and all sins, so that all could be saved.  Calvi-Jesus did not.
The God of the Bible tells us to seek Him in order to find Him, to choose whom we will serve.  Calvi-god says we can't seek him or choose whom we will serve.
The God of the Bible is a just God, giving us the choice between obedience and disobedience, and He responds to us according to our choice.  Calvi-god controls all we do, causing us to be either obedient or disobedient, based on what he's predetermined for us, but then he punishes us for the disobedience he causes.
The God of the Bible is glorified when people obey Him and worship Him.  Calvi-god is glorified by causing sin and causing people to go to hell.
In the Bible, salvation comes by hearing the Word and by believing in Jesus, choosing Him as your Lord and Savior, and then when you believe, …

"Are Calvinists Saved?"

Here's a video from Beyond the Fundamentals that's well-worth watching:  Are Calvinists Saved?

The most thought-provoking part (for me) was when he asks (paraphrased) "How do Calvinists know they're saved, that Jesus died for them?"

You see, I would say that I trust in the truths of the Bible.  I trust that when God says He loves all people and wants all people to be saved, He means He loves all people and wants all people to be saved.  I trust that when He says Jesus died for all people and all sins, He means that Jesus died for all people and all sins.  I trust that when He says that we will find Him if we seek Him with all our hearts, He means that we can seek Him and find Him.  I trust that when He commands us to choose whom we will serve, He means that we have to choose whom we will serve.  I trust that when He says that anyone who repents and believes in the Lord Jesus will be saved, He means that anyone can trust in the Lord Jesus and be saved.  

And I did th…