This isn't exactly about Calvinism (but I'll get into it a tiny bit), just more on a broad, personal note. So please, allow me to vent and to listen to myself talk. And come along, if you want, on a trip through my mind (I apologize in advance for how the messy it is😉):
Are you exhausted? I am. I am sick and tired of all the craziness out there, all the chaos and fighting and hate and lies and fear-mongering and violence and increasing prices (for less product or services) and natural disasters and wars and rumors of wars and AI this-and-that and Big Pharma and social deviance and efforts to force people to tolerate social deviance and political posturing, mudslinging, nonsense, etc.
I am sick of both social media and the news - because everyone just wants to fight, scream their opinions, demand their way, calls names, make accusations, and force everyone else to agree with them and do things their way. Everything's an "us vs them" thing, and "if you don't agree with 'us' then you're a bad bad person who shouldn't be here." It's sick. And everyone reacts to soundbites and snippets, instead of getting the whole story and wisely responding. There are no attempts to understand, to really listen, to connect, to talk through things, to be tolerant of other opinions. (Maybe younger people don't know this because they've been fed bad definitions, but tolerance used to be about respectfully agreeing to disagree with someone, allowing others to have different opinions, even ones you don't like or agree with. But now - due to social brainwashing - it's about supporting, affirming, condoning everyone else's view, over and above your own... or else you're "intolerant.")
Everyone just wants to stir up outraged reactions in other people so that they themselves may react with outrage. It's crazy.
[It all makes me want to go back to the good old days - and, ideally, that would be the 80's for me: boom boxes, cassette tapes, paper books, VHS tapes you had to rewind, neon colors everywhere, crazy hair, some of the best music and movies, being out till dark with the neighborhood kids playing Kick the Can. But I'd even take the days when my kids were little, the days of Veggie Tales and Thomas the Tank Engine (before they computer-generated it - yuck!), before social media really got going. Life was simpler back then. People were kind. The days felt hopeful. And the future seemed bright and full of good possibilities. Instead of all this.😕😖]
Besides, the news isn't even news anymore. I think it's personal opinions and political agendas disguised as news, with a focus on causing disagreement, division, confusion, and strife - which makes it much easier for larger controlling authorities to take over. And I don't trust them either. [Twenty One Pilots has it right: "Never Take It".]
I say that the news (pawns of larger "authorities") is more about making the news and controlling public opinion - about creating the society they want - than it is about reporting the news. They report only parts of stories (the parts and the stories they want, that play to their favor), spun in a biased way... so that they can create the mindsets, reactions, and situations they want and can report whatever happens as a result of their manipulation and interference as "real news," as if it happened all on its own and they merely reported it, unbiasedly of course. Ha! Hogwash!
[And even when it really is "just news," they pick the stories that shock, anger, or hurt us - 24/7, around the clock. A constant barrage of negativity with no bright spots, no satisfactory resolution, no good ending. How can we thrive if we're feasting on that all day, every day?]
Not being able to trust anything or to trust anyone to report things accurately and fairly, without a bias or agenda - bad story after bad story - makes everything just sound like nonsense. Noise. Propaganda. Hopeless. It's enough to wear anyone down, make us lose heart, and make us (well, at least me) want to avoid all social media and news sites as much as we reasonably can. (I mean, I want to hear enough to know enough, but I don't need more than that. I've got enough problems of my own; I don't need to take on the world's problems, too.)
[But - thankfully - all this hopeless, negative nonsense solidifies my faith in Jesus even more... because it proves that nothing else can be trusted, nothing else is stable or solid enough to plant our feet on, and no one else is, or has, "the answer." Only Him! So I'd rather spend more time with Him than listening to the garbage online and in the news.]
In fact, I've been so worn down for so long that I don't even have the energy or heart to read or watch almost anything anymore, not even about the Calvinism that I write about. Or about any of the other issues Christians disagree on. I'm sure there's lots of good videos out there, lots of important topics to explore, lots of uplifting things... but I'm just so tired.
[Thankfully, though, I've had lots of posts already banked on my blogs, and so I've got those already preset to publish over the next several months. I'm just too mentally-fried to write anything new, or to even care anymore. I need a break.]
Reading and writing about Calvinism (their sick quotes and twisted theological views) is very disheartening, especially since I know it's taken over a lot of churches with little resistance, even our church. It just keeps slowly, stealthily, strategically steamrolling along, gobbling up churches and Christians in its path, and it feels futile to try to stop it, to stand in its way. It enough to make me want to wash my hands of it all and to just hand the Church over to its hard heart.
And frankly, I'm also sick of the breakdown in the Church in general - a breakdown in morals, biblical knowledge/wisdom, doctrinal truth, concern for God's kingdom/righteousness/people's souls. Because it's become too concerned with social agendas, "progressive" values, using God's Word to validate their own ideas/desires, not offending anyone but making everyone feel okay with whatever their lifestyles or choices are, earthly possessions/pleasures, traditions and rituals, emotionally-exciting experiences instead of solid biblical truth, promoting their own brand or particular flavor of Christianity, putting on rock shows but calling it "worship," etc.
And (oh, yeah, there's more) I'm even suspicious of the way we've set our churches up - this hierarchy of leaders who rise to the top, who make their living off of the church, who put themselves above the people... and we church members let them, looking to them to lead us, the sheep, in the way we should go.
I think this makes it too easy for church leadership to become proud, power-hungry, out of touch with the people, and too concerned with job security and self-promotion - feeding on us and lording over us instead of being the servant-leaders they're supposed to be, shepherding our hearts and souls.
Sometimes it's as if they forgot that Jesus is THE Shepherd, and they're just the servants who should always be pointing us back to Him, helping develop true biblical faith in Him, not elevating or promoting themselves or their own twisted theological views.
[In fact, I'm probably more distrusting now of those who go to seminary than I would be of a simple country-bumpkin pastor who doesn't have an education but just preaches the Word in a commonsense way. Because many pastors are being educated wrong, with corrupt views of theology, God, and the gospel (Thank you, Reformed/Calvinist seminaries!😖)... but, ironically, they've become even more sure of themselves, that they're right, because they "went to seminary and got a degree."
Higher education is a double-edged sword. Sure, it can make people wiser and more knowledgeable - but it can also make those who are wrong just think that they're wiser and more knowledgeable, thereby making them more resistant to seeing their errors and to being corrected. (And this doesn't just happen in theological circles.)
At least the simple country-bumpkin pastor knows that he doesn't know it all, that he might be wrong, that he's still got a lot to learn. Can't usually say the same thing for Reformed/Calvinist-seminary-educated pastors.
(Yes, I'm ranting. I told you I was going to vent. But I'm almost done.)]
And sadly, we sheep facilitate this breakdown because many of us are "Sunday Christians" who think we're doing our job as long as we go to church on Sunday and listen to the pastor (or priest, reverend, whatever), letting him tell us what to think and how to interpret the Bible - instead of us really taking responsibility for our faith: studying Scripture for ourselves to make sure the pastor has it right, being willing to question him and hold him accountable and push back when necessary, and living out our faith truly, deeply, and faithfully, according to God's Word, every day of the week.
We want just enough God to get by, to make us happy, to make us feel we did our job - but not enough to make us uncomfortable, to make us feel convicted about something we have to change, or to challenge us to take our faith and the Word seriously. (How do you think our country got to be the spiritual mess it is!)
I think that elevating church leaders as "the spiritual authorities" and viewing ourselves as "just the tiny sheep who go on Sundays to get spoon-fed by them our weekly allotment of God's truth" has created a very imbalanced, top-heavy, wishy-washy, lukewarm, spiritually-ignorant, spiritually-lazy, self-centered, easily-deceived, non-Berean Church.
No wonder our churches are in such a mess!
Anyway, after years of this mess - political, social, church, personal - all I want to do sometimes is retreat from the chaos and negativity and discouragement as much as I can. I just want to pause, breathe, calm my mind, shut out the chaos and nonsense, and enjoy what's left to enjoy.
In fact, I don't think it's a matter of merely wanting it. I think we need it sometimes. We need a break - a chance to come up for air and clear our minds and enjoy God's blessings and remember that He is good, even when life and the world and the people are not.
And so I've been trying to simplify everything (life, faith, my days, my priorities, my focus) and to throw off the shackles of almost any and every form of news or social media right now, cutting out as much noise and chaos and discouragement as I can. (And, in fact, I've got a bunch of posts already written and preset to be published on my blogs for the next bunch of months, and so I'm probably gonna take a long break from being online for awhile and just enjoy real life.)
And so what's left? What am I doing (or what can I start doing) for enjoyment, peace, and joy, besides prayer and Bible reading (reading it, memorizing it, praying it)?
(This is purely for me to hear myself talk, but you can read along if you want.)
1. I'm trying to take the time to notice and enjoy the little things, the quiet moments, such as my quiet mornings in the 6 a.m. dark sitting on my deck, listening to nothing but the crickets while I drink my coffee and read my Bible. (I'd sit there for hours if I could. And sometimes I do. In fact, one of my favorite vacations was last year when we rented a little cabin on a campground, and there was no one else there but us and the owner. And so when my husband and son went out fishing for the day, I'd sit there for hours alone, reading, walking around the lake, looking at plants, staring at the campfire. It was blissful. And exactly what I needed!)
2. I try to look for ways to encourage other people who are exhausted or hurting too, those who've been hurt by their pasts, by their fears, by their families/friends, by themselves, by church and bad doctrine, and even if they feel hurt by God and their faith. I've been there. I know how it feels. And I'd hate to just sit by and watch someone else hurt that way too, without doing anything to help them. We need each other to get through this hard life sometimes.
If I can't help in person, I'm gonna try to help online. I don't want anyone to feel alone in their pain and struggles. If we're gotta go through the pain anyway, may as well put it to good use by turning around and helping someone else who's going through that kind of pain, too. Don't waste the pain. Use it for good. Turn it into good.
3. I'm keeping my eyes open for things to be thankful for, and then I thank God for them out loud: the big things, the little things, the things I take for granted, the things I'd miss terribly if they got taken from me, the silver linings on the storm clouds, the blessings in disguise, the hard lessons learned, the good that came from the bad. I want to count them. Appreciate them. Savor them.
When there's so much to be discouraged about in life and in this world, we have to be deliberate about noticing, counting, and thanking God for the blessings. And to help with this, I'm going through Ann Voskamp's One Thousand Gifts Devotional right now, and that's been great. And along with the book, I have a jar that I drop a colorful bead into every time I write down a blessing. It's pretty. And it's encouraging to see the beads, the blessings, piling up.
Here it is at the very start of my project:
And around the top of the jar are a few necklace charms I like: My "When it's dark, look for stars" one, my "Aslan" one (to remind me that He's coming back someday), and my beachy one to remind me of the time I helped baptize my friend in the lake, a real blessing to me (it doesn't get any better than that!).]
What I want is to be like this frog (this garden statue is one of the very few things I have left that I got from my mother, besides a legacy of pain, loss, and a tarnished family reputation):
I want to be utterly grateful for one tiny fly, enjoying and savoring one tiny fly... even if one tiny fly is all I've got!
1 Timothy 6:6: "But godliness with contentment is great gain."
4. Twenty One Pilots: an all-time favorite band. In fact, almost my whole family from my 16-year-old son to me and my husband (50-ish years old) are seriously addicted to them. When we went on vacation last year, that's all we listened to for hours and hours of the car ride, until we couldn't take it anymore.
In fact, I would dare say that they are the greatest band there ever was - musical freakin' geniuses - for so many reasons. And I'd go to the mat on that one!
[Do you know about all the lore they've weaved into their albums over the years? And all the stuff they do for their fans, all the clues they've put out for them? Seriously, look it up. It's cool. Brilliant, even. And the way Tyler pours himself into his songs, his fears, his struggle with anxiety, wearing his heart on his sleeve - I love it, appreciate it, and highly respect it. In fact, it's what first hooked me on them, besides their song Stressed Out. I found a lot of support in his lyrics, his vulnerability, his strength in his struggle, when I was going through a very hard time of my own. And I began listening to them over and over again. (I'm one of your kind, Tyler, and I'm on your side.) And Josh's drumming, and his strong, quiet, solid-backbone support for Tyler - awesome! They make a great team - one of the best - even how they joke around together. Like I said, I'd go to the mat on this one.]
Some favorite Twenty One Pilots' songs:
Jumpsuit, Chlorine, Garbage, Downstairs, Heathens, Smithereens, Cross the Line, My Blood (but the ending of the video, what the heck? Sad!), Choker, Heavydirtysoul, Stressed Out, Ride, Oldies Station, Lavish, The Hype, The Outside, Backslide, The Run and Go, Routines in the Night, Semi-Automatic, Holding Onto You, The Contract (the video's amazing!), and Snap Back (I love the subtlety of this song, the understatement, the depth. When you've been there, you understand.)... pretty much all their songs and videos. (But I'm okay not hearing Neon Gravestones or Car Radio too often.)
But to be fair and balanced, there are plenty of other people/bands I like too: Bob Dillon, Van Morisson, U2 (another huge favorite), The City Harmonic (a must-have for me, they got me through my hardest years), Bon Jovi, Matchbox 20 (my favorite band in college), John Denver, James Taylor, Tom Petty, Norah Jones, and others. A little bit of everything. (Except for most country, rap, and heavy metal, and all Miley Cyrus, Mariah Carey, Taylor Swift, and boy bands. But I do like one or two One Direction songs. I'm just sayin'.)
5. Instrumental music. These days, when I'm not blasting and singing along with Twenty One Pilots (they have to be played LOUD, which I can usually only do when I'm driving by myself), then I'm usually listening to instrumental music with no words (or to very gentle music with soft words).
After years of extreme anxiety and busyness, I think my brain is fried, and I can't handle noise the way I used to. I get overwhelmed easily and shut down. But I've found that instrumental music helps, because I can still listen to pretty music but my mind doesn't have to do the extra work of hearing or understanding the words. It can just relax and flow with the music.
Here are a few of my favorites:
Classical music (I'm so old!) - especially Pachelbel's "Canon in D," which is featured in the Trans-Siberian Orchestra's Christmas songs, Christmas Canon and Christmas Canon Rock
Lifescapes albums, Windham Hill Sampler albums, Dan Gibson's Solitudes collection, and other nature albums - either with gentle music, or just the birds, water, and wind [Pachelbel Forever by the Sea is especially nice]
Michael Flatley's Lord of the Dance soundtrack (that's just one song from it, but the whole thing is great)
The Green Card soundtrack - beautiful! And I love, love, love the final song: Eyes on the Prize. It's particularly meaningful to me because it became my "comfort song" when I was pregnant with my second son and learned that a young boy I counseled at work came down with Fifth disease. And if you catch this virus when you're pregnant, it could cause a spontaneous abortion. I was freaked for days, weeks - a mess! And this song was my comfort. Everything is gonna be alright. Just keep your eyes on the prize. (Though in my case, I changed it to "Keep your eyes on the Christ.") Thankfully, I never got the virus and my son is just fine. Thank you, Lord.
And I love David Arkenstone's albums Solitude and Winterlude. Two of my favorite songs of his are Jokulsarlon and Emergence (which I think could be perfect background music for so many different movie scenes: tragic scenes, comforting scenes, longing/romance scenes, death/goodbye scenes, introspective scenes, all kinds of scenes, nostalgic scenes, etc. it's the perfect blend for so many different situations.)
6. Speaking of music, I believe that we need to sing, even when we don't feel like it. Especially when we don't feel like it. I think that singing (and dancing, if you like) has a way of shaking us out of the funk we're in, of brightening our outlook (as much as it can), giving us something else to think about than the negative stuff we're ruminating on. And it helps loosen up our tense face muscles and clenched teeth.
And it doesn't matter what it is: songs, commercial jingles, worship songs, instructions to your kids to clean up their toys*. It doesn't matter - just sing!
But it is especially helpful if you sing praise songs. I would say that worship music is a form of spiritual warfare, a weapon to fight evil and temptation. And there's a biblical precedent for this: "Whenever the [evil spirit] came upon Saul, David would take his harp and play. Then relief would come to Saul; he would feel better, and the evil spirit would leave him." (1 Samuel 16:23) And so even when you can't sing it, at least play some worship music out loud when you need it.
Or how about singing this cute little "It's a Beautiful Day" song from The Kiffness, which I sing a lot. It's my go-to favorite song when I'm feeling depressed or anxious, because of how sweet and simple it is.
Singing really does help life feel less discouraging and overwhelming.
So when you least feel like singing, do it anyway... because that's when you need to sing the most.
[*I did the "singing instructions" thing to my kids when they were little. And I gotta say, it's far more effective than yelling or nagging. (Plus, it's more fun for us parents. And even though the kids act like they hate it, I suspect that inside they love it.)
So let’s say you walk in and find a game all over the floor. You could scold and rant, or you could make up a song, for example, to the tune of “She’ll Be Coming Around the Mountain When She Comes”:
I’ll be tripping on your game soon and I’ll fall,
I’ll be tripping on your game soon and I’ll fall,
I’ll be tripping on your game soon
then I’ll send you to your bedroom,
so you better pick your game up, after all.
I just made that up off the top of my head, and so can you. It doesn’t need to be perfect, but it’s a fun way to get your point across and to help you stay relaxed.
In fact, I once made up a whole version of the “Safety Dance” by Men Without Hats because my son wouldn't go to the bathroom until it was almost too late, even though he'd be wiggling and dancing all over trying to hold it in, claiming that he didn't need to go.
And so when he did this, instead of me fruitlessly yelling at him to “Quick, run to the potty” when he began to wiggle, I would sing the “Pee Pee Dance” song.
You can dance if you want to
You can wet your pants, that’s fine
But if your friends find out
Then your friends are gonna laugh
When they see you got a wet behind
You can “go” where you want to
You don’t need to use the can
But if they get wet
Then I’ll be upset
Cuz I’ll have to wash your pants again
You can dance
You can dance
You can lose bladder control
You can dance
You can dance
Instead of just deciding to go – Oh – Oh - Oh
You can Pee Pee dance
You can Pee Pee dance
That’s the Pee Pee dance – Hey
Do you know what makes singing so effective?
Kids will do anything just to get you to stop, even obeying whatever you're telling them to do as quickly as possible. It got to the point where I'd just start the first line - "You can't dance if you want to..." - and he'd be off and running to the bathroom. So much nicer than yelling, coaxing, or bribing. Give it a try. You might enjoy it.
(Unfortunately, now I can't sing Safety Dance without substituting in my words instead. Oh well, unintended consequences. As long as I don't do it in front of other people.)]
7. And another two things that help when life seems dark and difficult - something we should do especially during the times we don't feel like doing it - are these:
Wake up and say "Thank you, God, for another day. This is the day that the Lord has made. I will rejoice and be glad in it."
And when you're struggling with doubt, fear, anxiety, or whatever, tell God out loud "I trust You," even when you don't feel it. Tell Him "I trust Your Word more than I trust my own feelings." Tell Him "I'm making You a trade right now: my fears for Your peace. My pain for Your comfort. You please worry about my concerns for me, because I need a break from them. And I know You can handle them better than I can anyway. I trust You more than anything or anyone else, even myself."
Proclaim truth, speak God's Word, speak life and hope and encouragement and faith (instead of negativity, defeat, despair, and hopelessness) - even when you don't feel it inside. Especially when you don't feel it inside. Because that's when you need it the most.
8. I'm trying to get back into reading enjoyable fiction books (it's been awhile, been too busy and my mind has been too full and stressed), like The Hobbit and Lord of the Rings. (These two are in a class all by themselves, at the top of the list, in my opinion. And I could reread them over and over again.)
And I also love Wind in the Willows, the Redwall series, the Anne of Green Gables series, The Neverending Story, The Princess Bride, Little Women, The Last Unicorn, The Piers Anthony Xanth series (which is just for goofy fun), the Little House on the Prairie series, some of the classics, etc. Basically, any well-written youth's book or fantasy book. So no heavy drama books, immoral books, or real-life tragedy or mystery books. I'm trying to escape from the tragedies and discouragement of real life, not land myself in more.
9. As I said, I barely get online to watch anything anymore. And I barely even watch any TV or movies anymore. I only really watch and rewatch my DVD series of Gilmore Girls, The Middle, The Goldberg's, and Seventh Heaven... and movies like War Room, Do You Believe?, Jesus Revolution, Mamma Mia 1 and 2, The Greatest Showman, Green Card, Notting Hill, The Princess Bride, Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure, Pee Wee's Big Adventure (yes, I'm serious), Never Been Kissed, Ever After, the Pirates of the Caribbean movies, and the Hobbit and Lord of the rings series. (Seriously, what more do I need!)
But I do very occasionally watch YouTube, but just a very few things, like...
... the YouTube version of the Catching up with the Camdens podcast - because Seventh Heaven was a favorite show of mine, and I'm enjoying watching the actors interact now as adults and talk about the series I know so well.
... and I'm enjoying a YouTube channel called Lost Forest, by a woman named Gillian who lives in Ireland. There's no talking in these videos, just gentle music as she films her garden, cats, takes walks in nature, and makes her jewelry for her business. They're the perfect videos to watch with a cup of tea and a few minutes alone to rest and recharge. It's my go-to channel when I have a few moments to relax.
[Note: She makes jewelry - beautiful jewelry - in honor of flowers and folklore, including mythical goddesses. I don't mind myths at all, as long we know they're myths. But as a Christian, of course, I myself wouldn't make or wear jewelry in honor of goddesses (I only wear my cross necklace*), no matter how beautiful it is. But since she doesn't seem to be pushing mythology as truth or trying to rope people into the New Age or anything like that, I let it slide and just enjoy her relaxing videos.]
That's seriously about all I watch online these days, basically. Everything else is just ugh, meh, or too much noise, stress, or thinking.
[This is so different from how I've been for years: deeply researching everything, studying up on all the political issues and fights, digging into all the current problems in the church and world, stressed over how immoral society has gotten, getting worked up and upset over whatever's going on, etc.
But I've done that for so many years that I can't take it anymore right now. Time for a break. And so nowadays when someone tells me about the newest tragedy, church blunder, or political ploy, I'm like "I really don't care at all. I really don't care!😐" Maybe someday soon, but not right now. Right now, I'm like Bob from What about Bob?, taking a vacation from the problems (great movie!).]
*The only other necklace I wear sometimes besides my cross is this one that I put together with pendants that mean something to me. I started it the same time I started the One Thousand Gifts Devotional, a visual reminder of God's goodness and the need to be thankful:
Clockwise from the top is...
The cross - most important
A butterfly - a reminder to notice, enjoy, and be thankful for the little, simple things
A tree - symbolizing Psalm 1:2-3: "But his delight is in the law of the Lord, and on His law he meditates day and night. He is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yield its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither."
A whale's tail - it's a stretch but it's all I could come up with for Psalm 23. A whale reminds me of water, and the fact that it's just a tail with no body reminds me of the need to be restored: “The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, He leads me beside quiet waters, He restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for His name’s sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.”
A dove - for the Holy Spirit who is our Comforter, our peace, our guide, the One who is always with us and who helps us whenever we're in need, even helping us pray when we have no words of our own (I've been there many times)
A white horse - actually, it's a Pegasus/unicorn, but I couldn't find just a plain old white horse pendant, so this will have to do. For me, this is a reminder not only that Jesus is coming back again someday on a white horse to defeat evil for good, but it's also a reminder of the White Horse Parable, which goes a little something like this (there are other versions):
A man and his son owned a field that they farmed for a living. And one day, they found a white horse in the field, tearing up the plants.
"Oh, this is terrible. What a curse!", cried the farmer.
But then they caught the horse and tamed it and were able to use it to farm the field.
"Oh, what a blessing," said the farmer.
But then one day, the son was thrown off the horse and broke both arms and couldn't farm for months, reducing their sales and income.
"Oh, what a curse," said the farmer. "I wish this horse never came to us. Why did this happen to us, God? Why?"
But then a war started, and the army issued a draft. But since the son had broken arms, he was excused from the draft and didn't have to fight in the war.
"Oh, what a blessing! Thank you, God, for sending this horse," praised the farmer.
The point is, of course, that we're too quick to judge the events that happen in our lives, to label them good or bad, and that we can't see things from God's perspective and don't often know why He allows what He allows. We can never know sometimes how much something is good or bad, or the ways that the bad can be turned into something good, or how God might be sparing us from a worse pain by bringing us a smaller pain or by saying "no" to a prayer or dream we have.
So let's not be too quick to judge what happens in our lives or to throw in the towel or to speak against/judge God. I bet that in eternity, we'll see the big picture about the hard times we went through and we'll say, "Ah, now I understand! Thank you, God, for handling it Your way, instead of mine. I just wish I trusted You more while I was going through it. It would've spared me a lot of heartache."
A daisy - my favorite flower, but it also has a very special, personal meaning for me, just between me and God
A smiley face - a reminder to just smile and sing anyway, even when I don't feel like it, especially when I don't feel like it
A planet - to remind me that God's got the whole world in His hands, including my own little world, and so I don't have to carry the weight of it on my shoulders**
A heart - to remind me that God loves us, even though we're so very human. As my new church likes to say: God loves you just as you are and He wants you to come to Him as you are (imperfect, sinful, broken). He just doesn't want you to stay as you are. He wants you to let Him heal you, fix your life, get you on the right path, and help you grow in godliness.
**Something I drew years ago:
10. Oh, I just remembered that I used to watch live bird/animal cams. That was so relaxing and enjoyable. A nice way to spend a few minutes a day, especially if you can't get outside for yourself. I'm gonna have to do this again.
Find some here:
11. One thing I'd love to do is simplify and thoroughly clean out my home and garden, getting rid of anything and everything I can, paring it down to the essentials. So much stuff has accumulated over the years with six of us living there. Ugh. In fact, I'd love to go full "Marie Kondo" on it all, taking everything out of the garden/yard except the trees and everything out of the house except the furniture and appliances - and then only allowing back in what I truly love or need or what brings me joy. Everything else can go. (Besides the necessities to live, the only things I'd probably allow back into the house are my laptop, books, DVD's, and CD's. And I'd be just fine that way.)
Ah, maybe someday! (I can dream, can't I?)
12. I try to get outside into nature every day. Being outside really helps, especially when you feel overwhelmed, depressed, disconnected from the world, or like your walls are closing in on you. So put your phone aside for a little while (or ignore the dings and beeps for a few minutes) and get outside into nature. Take a walk. Collect rocks or leaves. Start a garden. Sit on your porch with a book. Sit quietly to watch the rain or snow or storm (or, even better, stand outside in it for a little while, when it's not dangerous to do so). Pause and listen to the wind. Look for shapes in the clouds. Watch for shooting stars. Learn to identify the trees and flowers by name. Follow a bug. [I'm not kidding. One of my favorite and most memorable school assignments when I was a kid was to follow an ant for little while. The ant didn't do much, but I loved shutting out everything else to follow this one ant, getting down on the ground to join him in his world for a few minutes, just to see what he did. I still remember that about 40 years later. And to this day, I notice things at my feet now, and I love looking for the tiny things, the overlooked things. We miss so much by focusing on just the big things, the big moments, the big blessings.]
13. Along these lines, find time to be silent. Don't be afraid of it. Embrace it. We are so overwhelmed with noise all the time - from our phones, to our TVs, to our music, to endless YouTube videos, to outside noise pollution, to fast conversations, to an endless stream of soundbites, to everything all the time.
No one knows how to enjoy the sound of nothing anymore, the sound of nature. So give it a try, like taking a walk with no earbuds in, or sitting on your deck and doing nothing but listening to the birds, or turning off your tech devices for awhile to protect and cherish your quiet time, or simply allowing a pause in a conversation without feeling the need to fill it with trivial comments. (Watch this Lost Forest video where, at about 18:24, she stops the music and simply takes us on a walk with only the sounds of nature in the background. I love it!)
Try a little bit of silence. A pause in your day, in the noise it. You might like it.
14. I don't remember if I ever shared this, but I used to really enjoy painting. It was super-relaxing to my busy mind. (I really should start doing that again. Okay, so my paints, paintbrushes, and canvases would survive the "Marie Kondo" cleansing, too.)
Here's the kind of painting I used to do:
This one is a double-canvas painting I did for our stairwell because I needed a large colorful painting for a huge blank space. I can see it from our bedroom every day.
It's not perfect or professional. But it's fun and colorful, and it was relaxing to paint. And that's good enough for me.
And here's another one I painted, a small one on heavy paper:
This was my favorite one, the first one I ever painted like this.
And it graced my wall for a few years... until I gave it away to a dear online friend from Australia, Juni Desiree (we met online in the comment section of a blog she used to have). It was the only way to say "thank you" for something amazing she did for me: dedicating to me a book she published of pictures she drew about her mental health journey.
Here's a YouTube video on it: The Art of Mental Health: Book Launch!!!! (at 5:04 you can see the "Dedication: For Heather" page"😊), and here's where you can buy it: The Art of Mental Health Ebook - Etsy Australia.
Ironically, she never knew how very much it meant to me that she did this for me. Because when she surprised me with a copy of the book and the dedication, I didn't have the heart to tell her that I was going through the hardest time of my life: the arrest and investigation of my mother for murder. (This also happened to be shortly after we left our church of 20 years because of the Calvinism that took it over, which meant I had very little social support for that terrible time... and shortly before all the covid chaos and lockdown. It was a terrible several months for me, knocking my legs right out from under me - and I haven't fully gotten back on my feet yet. Not sure if I ever will.)
I didn't want to tell her about my most terrible time, not when she was going through her most joyous time publishing her book. And so I never told her how very much it meant to me that she did this for me, how incredibly significant and special the timing was. Juni's super-kind deed of dedicating her book to me (and me learning how much I meant to her) brought some much-needed joy and light into my life at that very dark time.
And it's pretty cool that me being an encouragement to her when she really needed it led to her being an encouragement to me when I really needed it.😊
Her dedication reads:
"For Heather: You were the first person I told the things I was too afraid to say. You simply listened and never judged me. You gave me the courage to tell other people. And now I've written this book. It all started with you."
Incredibly touching and so humbling!!! I can't tell you how honored I am!
(And it's beautiful how she opens her heart up so vulnerably with us in her book and her videos, sharing her mental health journey with us so honestly. I think we could all be inspired and encouraged by it!)
I wish I had shared links to her book years ago to thank her and help her sell them, but I think I was afraid of looking like I was bragging or something. (Ironically, trying to be humble by not sharing it because it honors me is actually not being humble because I put thoughts of myself over helping her, over celebrating her beautiful art and heart, over highlighting her book so that people could find it and buy it. Ironic, huh?)
Anyway, now that I'm over myself, I'd like to honor her in this way by sharing her beautiful book... and the journals she makes.
Juni also creates charming, artsy "junk journals" (for sale). Here's a video she did where she featured my painting above in one of her journals: Vintage Junk Journal: Friendship.
What an amazing honor! And it's so cool to see it in her video from all the way across the world and think "Hey, my painting! Cool!"
[I really had no idea I touched her so deeply or helped her so much. I figured she was just that sweet of a person, always that complimentary to everyone. It just goes to show that you never know how God might use you in someone's life. So reach out and offer whatever encouragement you can, even if it seems small to you. And you don't even have to know how to fix it or what to say. Sometimes all you need to do is just listen and be there for them. (And isn't her voice beautiful! One of the most beautiful voices I've ever heard.)]
[Click here for a post that talks a little more about the way I painted my pictures. I really should start doing that again.]
15. And finally, to end this post, another thing I enjoy doing is photographing my garden flowers. I love doing that, seeing how the camara catches the angles, the light, the curve of the petals. I really should get back to doing that; it's been too long. (I stopped taking pictures when we got a new camera. Ironic, because usually a new camera means taking more pictures, better pictures. Anyway, I guess my camera would be allowed back in the house too, because I'd really like to start doing this again.)
It was so relaxing to spend time outside among the flowers, capturing beauty, marveling at God's wonderful creation.
[I also find it fun to scoop up tiny little snails I find in the garden and keep them in the house in a tiny little jar with a tiny little bit of dirt, feeding them tiny little bits of food. So cute! I've been doing this every year since lockdown, the covid year. And every year, I name the first two the same thing: Bilbo and Gandalf. If I get more, I name them Thorin or Frodo or one of the other hobbits. I don't keep them for long, but it's just a fun little thing to do every spring.
Here's how tiny they are right now. That's one of them sitting on the end of a paper clip. (I'm not sure if that's Bilbo or Gandalf. I asked, but he wouldn't answer. So my guess is Gandalf. Because Gandalf can be that way.)
A whole tiny little world in the palm of my hand.
I also kept a jumper spider in a small tank once. I LOVE those little guys! And whenever I see one, I stop and bend down and say "Oh my goodness, you're so beautiful!"
But I don't keep them anymore - I want to, but don't - because you have to go out and catch them live food. Not as easy as keeping snails.
See? Aren't they adorable with those two big center eyes? Makes me want to reach out and pet the flat spot on the top of his head.
(You know, I used to be freaked out by spiders... until I found a really large one - kinda like a marbled orb weaver - near where my kids played and had to catch it and research it to see if it was dangerous. Learning about it as I examined it in the jar helped me really appreciate it, admire it, love it. And I've loved spiders ever since then. Sometimes, we're only afraid of something because we're ignorant, because we don't know enough about it to appreciate it.)]
Anyway, so here are some of my favorite pictures that I took of my flowers. I shared them on my picture blog: Glory in Beauty.
Take a moment to pause, inhale deeply, exhale slowly, and enjoy the beauty.
(Okay, you got me ... this isn't a flower. It's a picture my husband painted when he was a kid and I wanted to make sure it got immortalized online because the paint is chipping off. Isn't it cool? It reminds me of a cover for a Journey album.)
(I caught the very moment when the bee noticed the ant that was walking up the other side of the flower, and it got startled and flew off the split second after I took this picture.)
(I love these colorful little guys!)
I know he looks huge, but he's only about the size of a quarter:
And now get out there and do something you enjoy, something you love, something that inspires you and fills your heart with joy, with gratitude to be alive.
There's a big beautiful world out there... and you're missing it!
Count your blessings, enjoy your days, thank God for His goodness to you, simplify your life, prioritize and pare it down to what matters most, find ways to give beauty and joy and hope to the world and to other people, grow your faith in the Lord, and work for the things that will last (the eternal things). [Could you imagine if people took the time they spent surfing online and fighting over trivial matters and watching/reading/doing mindless things... and instead put that time towards growing their relationship with God, learning His Word, learning to trust Him and rest in Him, living out their faith and their gratitude, and reaching out to encourage others and to support them in their difficult faith/life journeys? Could you imagine!]
And do it before your life passes you by, and you find yourself sad that you wasted your days stressed and discouraged, running a rat-race you never wanted to be part of in the first place, and pursuing temporary things that burned up in the end, standing there at the end of it all with nothing to show for all your years on earth. (Shudder!)
And get rid of social media and the news as much as you can, especially if it's sucking the life out of you. I mean, yes, learn what you need to know. Research what you need to research. Be informed so that you can make educated decisions about things and know what you're talking about. And stay in contact with whoever you need to stay in contact with.
But come up for air sometimes. Take a vacation from the problems now and then.
You don't need to know every little thing that's going on in the world, or hear every bad story or tragedy, or listen to everyone's opinions about everything, or get in the middle of every online argument, fight, or debate. And you don't need to see what's going on in everyone else's lives all the time. And you don't need to try to keep up with the Joneses.
I mean, seriously, does it add any quality to your life? Or does it all just make you miserable? And if so, then why keep doing it?
You know the definition of insanity, right? Doing the same thing over and over again, trying to get a different result. Don't let the world - the real or online one - make you insane. It's always just more of the same - sucking life, joy, and peace out of you, giving back almost nothing of value in return.
So get off the merry-go-round of negativity, fighting, and discouragement... and go out and live your life in gratitude.
It's the only one you've got. Don't waste it on things that aren't worth it.
