Valerie and B1989W at The Comment Corral

I'm interrupting the Alana L. 5K "sovereign" posts to share a couple comments from readers of this blog.  [I'll post the next Alana one in two weeks.  And Happy (early) 4th of July, America!]

You may not know this, but I have a separate blog where people can share their comments on any of my blogs: The Comment Corral.  I decided to keep the comments separate and not allow them on this anti-Calvinism blog for a few reasons:

1. My posts are long enough, and so I didn't want to add more length with comments on each one.

2. I'd like my posts to stand on their own, without the back-and-forth debate that can sometimes happen in comments.  

3. Sometimes comments enhance what we've read and add to it in a good way, but sometimes they tarnish it and leave us with a bitter taste in our mouths.  And I didn't want to take the chance.

4. If the process of submitting comments was too easy, then people who disagree or don't like what I say might instantaneously fire off whatever pops into their minds.  But if they had to go to a separate blog to post a comment, it might stop them from emotionally reacting, and they would be more likely to put some real thought and care into what they say.  I'm fine if people disagree, I just want it to be a thoughtful response, not an on-the-spot outburst.  (And it must be working because I haven't had any comments from people reacting negatively, just those who want to encourage me and share their stories😊.) 

5. And I need to protect my time and sanity.  I am a deep thinker by nature, a deep researcher - and my mind won't relax if I know there's something I need to look into or figure out.  And so I need to be very careful what I let my mind latch onto, and when.  And if people were able to leave comments on each post about something I should research more or something they were challenging me on, I might not be able to let it go - which could result in me getting sucked into a lot of deep rabbit holes and staying there a long time.  (You can see how much I write on my own.  Can you even imagine how much I would write if I had a bunch of comments to reply to about new things I should research!?!)  And this could happen endlessly, of course, because there's always something new to research or think about.  And so to protect my time and sanity, I had to limit comments... or at least make them harder to publish.

[6. And honestly, I was a little afraid I might not be able to handle harsh criticism.  I am a people-pleaser by nature, and I can end up feeling overly bad about myself if people don't like or respect me or if I let them down somehow.  And so I didn't even allow comments for the longest time for fear that it might crush my heart.  But having gone through many difficult, heart-crushing trials these past few years, I've developed a much thicker skin out of a sheer survival instinct, a necessary defense mechanism in order to keep going in the midst of pain and loss - and so I think I can take the chance now.  It doesn't mean I'd relish harsh criticism.  It's just that I think I can handle it now - because I've had to learn how to let go of a lot recently, to adopt a "meh" attitude about a lot of things, and to let it roll off my back while I just keep going forward.  I'm doing much better than I was a few years ago when I was at my worst, and I think I'll be okay.]

Anyway, when I checked The Comment Corral recently, I saw that a reply I gave to Valerie S. failed to publish.  (I'm not sure what happened, because it shows on my end that it did publish.😕)  And so since it's been a couple months and Valerie might not notice that I just re-replied to her on that blog, I decided "Why not share the comments here too?"  

(I hope you all don't mind that I'm going to share your comments here too.  But you've all got worthwhile stories to tell and insights to share, and maybe it will help and encourage those who are going through the same kinds of things.  And of course, I won't share the comments from those who asked that I keep them private.)  

And so over the course of a few posts sprinkled here-and-there in the next few months, I'll share all the comments that are currently at The Comment Corral, starting with Valerie's and B1989W's comments:

On May 10th, 2025, Valerie S. said this:

I just recently left a stealthily Calvinistic church.  I stumbled upon this blog when I was researching criticisms on Calvinism.

I, too, have experienced much of the duplicitous doctrinal nonsense you describe here.  I came to realize over time that the pastors believed their views--particularly 5-point Calvinism--was inerrant and anyone who thought otherwise were ignorant or sinners.  The intellectual arrogance amongst the leadership was astounding.

Throughout the sermons, I spotted numerous profound contradictions I could not ignore.  I eventually went to the leadership, and they didn't listen to me, to say the least.  But the final straw was when I discovered they taught that "apostates" who abandoned their faith were entirely at fault only because they "wanted to sin."  There was 0% acknowledgement over why people leave, like leadership hypocrisy and other significant issues.  There was only blaming those for daring to leave the flock.  Nevermind the massive contradiction that it ultimately "glorified" God!

With that, I left.  I'm trying to find a church that doesn't teach such toxic doctrine, but it's easier said than done.

You're doing a great work by exposing this. Kudos.

And here's my reply to her (slightly updated here for better clarity):

Hello Valerie, I'm so sorry my reply never showed up here (I just realized it's missing).  I did reply on May 11, but it didn't publish for some reason.  So I'll reply again.  Sorry about the delay.

Thank you so much for the encouragement!  I really appreciate it!  And I'm glad you had your wits about you to notice the things that were off with that church and pastor.

I totally understand so much of what you're saying.  One of the early alarm bells I got with my ex-pastor's preaching was how he would make it seem like if we disagreed with him, then we disagreed with God.  He'd say we had three options about his teachings: to ignore it, get angry about it, or accept it.  Clearly, no disagreement was allowed.  As a licensed counselor, I could tell something was very off, very manipulative, about the way he preached... and it made me listen really closely to his sermons, because anyone who needed to use those tactics was going to try to push something we'd naturally resist.

And about blaming those who dare to leave: We have friends who have also recently left that church because of him and his leadership style and Calvinism.  And he did a sermon about "the Church" just before they officially left where he said (among other things) that it's deadly for someone to leave a church, that it damages them and their children and future generations, and that those with "church hurt" need to repent of their bitterness.  It was very strategic, in my view, especially since he added this "church hurt" section as bonus material to his sermon.  He was shoehorning it in, as if he had to make a deliberate effort to preemptively mold people's opinions about those who leave a church before they all heard that this good couple left.

I hope you find a good church soon.  But I totally understand the "easier said than done" thing.  Several people I know (including us) are coming to the same conclusion.  God bless!  And sorry again about the delay.  I'll make sure the reply publishes this time before I leave the page. :) 

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And B1989W shared this comment:

Thank you for writing so extensively about Calvinism.  A little background-I was raised Mormon and left when I was 18.  My in-laws (Lutheran) rejected me because I was raised Mormon and so I spent the next 15 years in this limbo with God due to church and Christian hurt.  But God changed my heart when I was 33 and my husband and I looked for a church to call home.

A year ago we started attending a Calvinist Church.  I didn’t know what that was but from the first sermon something felt off to me.  I won’t go into all the instances or this would be a book.  But if you consider Mormonism a cult then let’s just say I was picking up on a lot of similarities.  Over the course of a year my marriage went from the best it had been to the worst.  I feel completely disconnected from the God I know changed my heart.

I was taken aside by one of the pastors wives after expressing some concerns to a member and when I said I just never feel uplifted after the sermons I was told that I just wanted fluff and not truth.  And that if something made me uncomfortable then I was being convicted by God.  I finally had the wherewithal to say, no I don’t think so.  Which was not taken well.  She then turned it on me and said I wasn’t feeling uplifted because I wasn’t attending all of the things that are expected.  I was going to church and their homeschool PE but not the Bible study and small group.  But to me church shouldn’t take up every moment of your life.  It just becomes a checklist, especially for an introvert I don’t feel close to God constantly doing- I feel stressed.

They’ve promoted self erasure, to never trust yourself, not have boundaries, feelings are always to be mistrusted, if you don’t fall in line then you could be a false teacher, an unstable Christian or may not really be saved.  So then it’s very unsafe to express anything other than agreement.  This also feeds into the watch dog culture.  I feel like they suck the life out of God.  I can’t live like this anymore so we’re leaving.  Thanking God I spazzed out during their membership classes and didn’t sign the papers to submit to church discipline.

I didn’t see you mention this yet, but they also have like a church promise members recite at baptisms.  The whole congregation (members only) stand and recite something like promises to the church to be active in all the things and I thought that was weird to be like promising your devotion to the church and not to God?

Anyways, thank you for going into all of this so extensively.  It’s really helped me understand what happened this last year of my life.

And here's my reply (with a couple small adjustments here):

B1989W, Thank you so much for your encouragement (including about being thankful for how extensively I write - because I've often thought to myself "Shut up!  Just shut up and trim down what I say to the bare essentials, because who wants to read all this rambling writing anyways?") and for sharing your story.  

But I am so sorry that you've gone through such struggles.  I can't imagine how it's felt to go from one "cult" to another.  Those must have been some difficult, suffocating years for you!  But I give you so much credit for struggling through, seeing things clearly, and being willing to do the right thing and take the right stands even if it cost you a lot.  And I'm really glad that it sounds like your marriage is still intact and that your husband has stuck with you, especially after that rocky year at the Calvinist church.

You mentioned never feeling uplifted at that church.  I realized how much my soul was starving for some godly encouragement after we left our church and went to a different once that preached about God's love and about Him carrying us through hard times (and not necessarily decreeing/causing those hard times first).  Hearing simple truths about God's love was like breathing that first breath of fresh air and seeing the first bit of sunlight after being trapped in a tiny closet for years.  I think lots of people's souls/hearts are suffocating under Calvinism, but they don't even know it.  And they won't until it's too late.

They don't realize they're missing the simple, beautiful truths of Scripture - that their souls are starving and faith is shriveling up - because they're too busy filling their heads with deep Calvinist theology and academic information (and busy trying to convince themselves it makes sense, isn't contradictory, and doesn't destroy God's character).  They can't see the forest for the trees anymore.  And they're settling for a ton of (incorrect) information about God instead of having a relationship with God.  And someday they'll wonder what happened to their simple faith and the simple joy of knowing/trusting God and His love and care.  It's sad.

[And I agree that church shouldn't take up all our time.  That's something that the church - not God - imposes on people.  I've got some big problems with what the Church in general has become over the years, the institution it's grown into.  I think in many ways it can detract from a real relationship with God instead of helping facilitate it.  But most people aren't aware because they're too busy with church things to notice.  They are so busy doing things for God, that they don't see how they fail to be with God.  Does that make sense?  And you made a good point here: "I thought that was weird to be like promising your devotion to the church and not to God?"  Insightful and well said!]

And wow, you summed it up so well when you said: "They’ve promoted self erasure, to never trust yourself, not have boundaries, feelings are always to be mistrusted, if you don’t fall in line then you could be a false teacher, an unstable Christian or may not really be saved.  So then it’s very unsafe to express anything other than agreement.  This also feeds into the watch dog culture.  I feel like they suck the life out of God."

"I feel like they suck the life out of God" - I couldn't have said it better myself!

And you're so right in all you said there.  In fact, recently I've been hearing from people at my ex-church that it has become a very clique-ish culture of "fruit-inspecting" - judging people's faith by how well they measure up to what the pastor says about what good and true Christians should look like, always making people feel like they aren't good enough.

It's frustrating to know good, God-fearing, humble Christians have submitted themselves to this, can't/won't see what's wrong with it, won't allow themselves to heed the red flags and alarm bells they get, don't take the time to double-check the pastor's teachings, and won't dare to question the leadership for fear of looking like a bad Christian.  The more I learn about it, the more I can see the sinister power of Calvinism in getting a stranglehold on people minds and faith.  It becomes more cult-like the more I study it.  It's sad.

But I'm so glad you had the courage to oppose it and that you and your husband got out of there.  And now hopefully you can heal and help others find their way out too.  God bless.  And thank you for sharing. :)

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Additional information: 

And for those who have been hurt by Calvinism - especially in response to B1989W's comment "I feel completely disconnected from the God I know changed my heart" - here's some additional sections from two other posts of mine that weren't in my replies.

First is a long section (trimmed down here) from "Healing your soul from Calvinism's damage"):

And so, based on my experience leaving a Calvinist church (I was never a Calvinist though, so I didn't have the added struggle of restructuring my theological views), here are some of my recommendations for anyone else who is trying to recover from what Calvinism has done to their heart, soul, and faith:

1. Grieve the loss.  Feel the pain.  Express your doubts and fears and struggles and hurts to God (and to a trusted, godly friend, if possible).  The only way to get through it is to go through it.  And to go through it with God.

So in prayer, tell God your pain, the damage that's been done, the fears and doubts Calvinism's created, the messed-up views you have of Him now, how much you don't know or can't figure out, the things that scare you, etc.  Pour it all out to Him honestly.  (He can handle it.)  

Don't blame Him for Calvinism's errors and damage.  Don't wall yourself off from Him or walk away from Him in pain, anger, distrust, or disgust.  God Himself hates lies (and Calvinism is a big lie).  God Himself hurts when His truth and character are attacked (and Calvinism attacks God's truth and character).  And God Himself hurts with us when we hurt, especially if the damage has been done in His name.  So He is hurting with you.  He wants more for you.  He wants to heal the damage Calvinism's done to you in His name.  

But He needs you to let Him do it.  He needs you to open yourself up to Him honestly, to reach out for Him, even if you're scared or hurt or angry.  He cannot heal you and help you on the right path if you reject Him along with the Calvinism.  

Calvinism is not the gospel!  

So get rid of the Calvinism, but keep the gospel, keep your faith, keep Jesus.

2.  Simplify.  Slow down.  Breathe.  

There may be a point when you need to briefly get away from everything for awhile: church in general, friends, any kind of study (even researching against Calvinism), traditions, religious rituals, etc.  

[When we first left our church, I was ready to never set foot in another church again.  We actually spent a year or so at home on Sundays, just watching good sermons with our kids, letting truth replace the lies.  Then we found another couple to meet with on Sundays, just reading Scripture together, for about a year and a half.  But then for the sake of their older son, they had to find a real church to attend that he liked.  And so we were back to being alone for awhile.  And then eventually, we found a church with good theology, even if we have to tolerate the loud music and big, impersonal style for now.  Seasons of life.  And that's okay.]

Take time for you, to just decompress, to breathe, to heal, to reach a healthy balance - especially if you came from a legalistic, performance-based church or mindset, or if the journey out of Calvinism has been emotionally hard on you.  

Get rid of the legalistic, ritualistic "shoulds" for now - the "I should do this, I should do that, I need to try harder or do more or be better" things we do to try to please or impress God, others, or ourselves, to be the "good Christian" we're "supposed to be" - and just let yourself fall into the arms of God and rest there awhile.  

You may even need to stop trying so hard to find the "right" words to pray, maybe even - when the words won't come - just letting silence be your prayer for awhile.  It's okay to not have the words sometimes.  God knows your heart better than you do.  

Hab. 2:20: “But the Lord is in his holy temple; let all the earth be silent before him.”  

(When you can't find the words or energy or faith to pray, it also helps to let worship songs be your prayer, and to simply recite Psalms or the Lord's Prayer in Matthew 6:9-13, or to pray Scripture.  This has been immensely helpful to me when I'm struggling with prayer.)   

Sometimes, it's time to stop doing so that you can focus on just being for awhile - just being with God and letting Him be with you.  He doesn't always want or need us to do things for Him (or even need us to know what to do or how to do it).  

Sometimes, He just wants us to be with Him, to let Him hold us and tell us it's okay.

Psalm 46:10: "Be still and know that I am God!"

So don't worry about the man-made rules and traditions, about learning more "doctrines," or about what "good Christians" are "supposed to do."  Get rid of all the extra things that we humans have piled on top of faith over the centuries, the things that obscure and smother and suffocate it... and just learn to enjoy God again.  His creation.  His goodness.  His blessings.  His love.

When you're coming out of Calvinism, you've probably been starved of this for a long time while you've been spending your time, energy, and brain cells learning heavy, complicated, theological ideas (wrong ones!).  You've been learning so much about God that you've missed out on being with God.  

But what does Jesus's name "Emmanuel" mean?  

God with us.

God with us.

And yet we make Him into an academic project, studying Him like an amoeba under a microscope, trying to learn more than the next guy, struggling to get to the top of the intellectual-theological heap.

Hurray for us!

And yet all the while, God just wants to be with us, so much so that Jesus came to earth in a human body to die for us.

After leaving Calvinism or a Calvinist church, take some time to pause, to simplify, to learn to enjoy Him again, trust Him again, love Him again, and get to know Him again, as He is in His Word.

It's not going to be pain-free, but you're going to come out the other end with a purer, stronger, more genuine faith and trust in God.  And that's a very good thing.

Recently, a friend who's struggling with the Calvinism in our previous church asked me how it feels to now attend a non-Calvinist church.

My answer?

It feels like this: 

[For more help with emotional struggles, not specifically related to theology or Calvinism, see "Getting through the 'broken' times" or "26 tips for dealing with depression or anxiety" or "Is depression a sin?" or "Help for anxiety, depression, and suicidal thoughts."]  

3. Keep your studies and Bible reading simple too.  Take off the Calvinist glasses, put away the lofty, complicated theology books, and forget the Calvinist interpretations of verses and their views of God, faith, salvation, mankind, etc.... and get back to the Bible again, to what God actually says, instead of what Calvinists tell you God said.  

Read the Bible as if it's the first time you've read it, with fresh eyes.  Put your faith back in God as He revealed Himself to be, instead of in some preacher and what they tell you to believe about God.

One thing I noticed about our Calvinist pastor is that he always said "The Bible teaches..." before sharing a Calvinist idea.  "Teaches, teaches, teaches..."  Not "The Bible says..."  

And do you know why I think this is?  Because the Bible never actually says the things they think it does.  But if they redefine words and cobble together enough half-verses taken out of context, they can make it look like the Bible "teaches" their ideas, even though it never outright says it.  

Forget what Calvinists tell you the Bible "teaches," and instead read it for what it actually says.

Start from the beginning again, the beginning of the Old or the New Testament.  And read it as God wrote it, in context, paying attention to how He interacts with people, how He feels about people, what He expects of us, how He reveals Himself, etc.  Trust that He said what He meant and meant what He said, the way He said it.  (Personally, I recommend starting with the book of John because it emphasizes God's love for people and shares the true gospel.  And you've probably been starved of that for a long time under Calvinism.) 

Your goal is not to learn any deep, academic, high-minded, spiritually-elite "mysteries" (as Calvinism is all about), but it's simply to learn to read the Bible as God wrote it, to get to know God as He is, to get to know mankind as He sees us, and to understand what God says is the truth, the gospel.  

Start spending time with God again, instead of wasting time learning what Calvinists tell you about God.  

I think, in Calvinism, people easily mistake learning more information (bad, unbiblical information!) for growing in the faith.  They mistake head knowledge for spiritual maturity.  They mistake devotion to a systematic theology for devotion to God.  

And while they're having fun playing with all their theological toys, they won't realize just how far off the spiritual rails they've gotten.  Not until it's too late.  Not until much damage has been done.

Take off the Calvinist glasses, dump the Calvinist books, get off your theological pedestal... and lower yourself back down to child-level again, to the simple, commonsense truths of the Bible again.  Meet with God in His Word and in prayer - without Calvinists looking over your shoulder and telling your how to do it - and get to know God and Jesus all over again, fresh and new and simple.  

Sidenote: I think for some people who leave Calvinism for the simpler truths, it's almost like coming full circle.  Many of them as new believers started with the simple truths.  They took the Bible at face-value, believing that God said things in a commonsense way, that He meant what He said and said what He meant the way He wrote it.  They never would have dreamed that there were (supposedly) deeper, hidden, mysterious levels underneath the plain, clear teachings of Scripture.  Deeper levels they needed other men to help them figure out.  

But eventually those simple truths got to feel stale, like "The Bible for Dummies."  And so since they're no dummy, they wanted more: more mystery, more excitement, more challenges to figure out, more difficult puzzles to solve that can only be solved by a few.  How else are they supposed to stand out from the crowd?  

Simple truths are for simpletons.  Anyone can understand simple.  And so, simple is not good enough for them.  They need more, better, new, complicated, and "mystery."  Because simple doesn't get you a spot among the spiritually-elite "giants of the faith." 

And so wanting to take their faith to the next level, they left simple for Calvinism.

I'm sure they had a real desire to grow in faith and glorify God and humble themselves, but Satan used their good desires/intentions to lure them away from truth and to get them to fall for Calvinism which is full of deep, hidden, intellectually-complex "mysteries."  (Self-created mysteries, mind you.  Their bad theology created the puzzling "mysteries" and contradictions that they then try to solve, leading to more bad theology.)  And this satisfies them for awhile as they convince themselves that all the information they're gaining and "mysteries" they're wrestling with means that they're growing in the faith, in spiritual maturity.

  

But eventually, they begin to feel strangled and suffocated by these "mysteries," by lofty, convoluted, contradictory Calvinist theology.  And theologically, they can't see the forest for the trees anymore.  Maybe they even begin to sense that they're missing out on the heart of God, missing joy and peace and security and comfort.  And they want out.

And so if they don't toss out faith altogether by retreating into atheism, they toss off the shackles of Calvinism to run back to the simple joy of the simple truths of Scripture again.  Full circle.  

Sadly, many people seem to need to try this for themselves, to taste the faith-killing damage of Calvinism before they realize that the simple truths of Scripture are all they really need.  And so as one person is getting out of Calvinism, someone else is getting in.  It's sad.

4. Taking off the Calvinist glasses won't be easy.  And it will take time.  It took a lot of time to get you into Calvinism, for Calvinists to train you to read the Bible and see God in Calvinist ways [see "The 9 Marks of a Calvinist Cult"]... and it's going to take some time to reverse it.  

So be patient with yourself and with God, and know that He's going to be patient with you too.  One day at a time is just fine.  It's going to take time to heal, to unlearn all the bad theology you've been taught so that you can finally see what God's Word really says and what God is really like.  

And this is one reason why it's so important to be open and honest with your heavenly Father along the way, to stay connected to Him.  Because if you take your anger at Calvinism out on God by closing yourself off to Him, you're going to pay a price.  And the longer you spend closed off to Him, the farther you'll drift from Him and the harder it will be to get closer to Him again later (and the more bad consequences you might cause in your life).  

But if you take the slow, painful journey with Him, He'll lead you step by tiny step to truth and healing and recovery.  So pray for God to help you do that, to help you undo the Calvinist brainwashing, to walk with you on your journey of healing and of relearning truth all over again.

[And I totally understand if that means fully staying away from church for awhile.  Like I said, we did that too.  And that's okay.  Seasons of life.  But don't leave God when you leave the church.  He did not do this damage to you; Calvinism did.  So stay connected to Him through His Word and prayer, and even through things like spending time in His creation, enjoying nature, taking walks, working in the garden, listening to worship music, etc.  It takes time to learn to want Him again, to trust Him again, to love Him again.  And as you spend time in His presence, slowly but surely the dying embers of your faith will be rekindled.  Go slow and give it time.  You'll see.]

5.  If you can, find a supportive friend to talk to along the way (or maybe to do a personal Bible study with).  That will help a lot.  

But if you can't - and if you need an outlet - maybe contact someone who speaks against Calvinism and share your story.  Or start a blog like mine to share your experience and what you've learned.  Maybe no one in your life wants to hear what you're going through or what you're thinking or what you've learned, but someone out there does.  Someone out there is going through it, too, and wants whatever help or support you can offer, even if it's just to know that they're not alone and not crazy.

So find a way to turn the bad into something good.  Pray and ask God how you can use your experience to take a stand for truth and to help other people or the Church in general. 

6. Resist the urge to find another "-ism" right away (or ever again), to jump from one theological system to the next (maybe one just as bad, or worse).  

Sometimes, in their efforts to get away from one extreme, people will swing to the other extreme, tossing out the baby with the bathwater.  And so in their effort to escape a lofty, legalistic, restrictive, makes-me-feel-bad theology like Calvinism, they'll seek refuge in a loosey-goosey, touchy-feely, whatever-makes-me-happy theology like, say, Universalism.  Or maybe they'll just go to a different version of what they already had, from an overtly hard-Calvinist church to a covertly soft-Calvinist church.  Or maybe they'll decide that no God is better than Calvinism's god.

Resist the urges to do these things.  Don't jump from the frying pan into the fire.  Don't rush from one bad church/theology to another.  You'll just compound the heartache.

And so before seeking out a new theology to cling to or identify with - and even if you're checking out new churches in the meantime - spend lots of time getting to know God's Word well, on your own, without other people's interpretations of it.

And yes, you can understand God's Word and the gospel just fine on your own.  Maybe not the more confusing, symbolic, prophetic parts that most of us struggle with, but you can understand the most important parts of Scripture on your own, the basics, the gospel.  

Contrary to how Calvinism and Calvinists make you feel, you do not need other people to tell you how to understand the basics of Scripture.  It's for all people.  Adults and children.  The lofty and the simple-minded.  White collars and blue collars.  So do not be intimidated, thinking that you need others to tell you what God meant to say.  God said what He said the way He meant it to be said, and you can understand it.  And the Holy Spirit in you - if you are a believer - will help you understand it.  You'll do just fine learning what you really need to know for now with just your Bible, prayer, and the Holy Spirit.  

Before worrying about finding a new "-ism" or maybe even a new church, focus primarily on getting to know God and His Truth well and on fanning the dying embers of your faith and your joy/peace/security in Christ.  (Plus, the closer you get to God and His truth, the more discerning you'll be and the easier it will be for Him to lead you to the right church when it's time.)

7. And I recommend you pray and ask God to send heavenly angels to keep evil ones away so that evil cannot trip you up, hurt you, or blind you again.  Pray for the Spirit's help along the way.  And don't forget that as a believer, you have the right to command demons to leave in Jesus's name.  

If Calvinism is a false gospel (and I think it is) - if it's an attack on God's truth and character and Jesus's sacrifice and people's faith (and I think it is) - then this is more than just human error.  It's demonic lies and schemes, a satanic attack on God's truth, on the gospel.  It's spiritual warfare.  And so be prepared, and treat it as such.  

Satan won't like it that you're leaving his lies for God's truth.  You could cause him a lot of trouble, messing up his plans and his progress.  And so he won't let you go easily.  He'll try to get in your way.  So learn what spiritual warfare is (and what it's not) and how to engage in it.  

And be aware of other areas of your life he might attack, other vulnerabilities you have, and take precautions.  Be vigilant, alert, on guard, and proactive.  Because like it or not, there's a spiritual war raging around us all the time, even if we stick our heads in the sand and pretend it's not true.

[And don't fall for the wacky, formulaic, human-effort-based, or sensationalized stuff.  Typical spiritual warfare is biblical and matter-of-fact.  Serious, but matter-of-fact.  Not overblown, Hollywood-like, scary-movie drama full of man-made rituals and earthly tools.  I suggest watching Tony Evans' sermons on spiritual warfare.  Or read books by Neil T. Anderson, such as The Bondage Breaker, Victory Over the Darkness, or Freedom from Fear: Overcoming Worry and Anxiety.  (On my other blog, I started a series on spiritual warfare.  I'm not getting through it fast, but I'm working on it.)]  

Above all, learn what the Bible says about spiritual warfare, and let that be your guide, your comfort, your best weapon against evil.  

And I know you're probably scoffing about all this now.  Go ahead and scoff.  I did too when someone first told me about their experience with demonic harassment.

But I don't scoff anymore.  (See "In 'honor' of Halloween: My story of demonic harassment.")  

But even if you scoff now, just remember that the Word is the sword of the Spirit.  And this doesn't just mean reading it, but it means speaking it out loud, like Jesus did when Satan was tempting Him in the desert.  Speaking applicable Bible verses out loud and praying Scripture is a spiritual weapon - using God's Word defensively or offensively against temptations, demons, and evil schemes.  And so when Satan tells you his lies, you speak God's truth.  (And remember the line "In the name of Jesus Christ, I command you to leave," in case you ever need it.)

Sidenote: If you're coming out of Calvinism, you've been trained to see Satan as "God's Satan," that God has preplanned, causes, and controls everything Satan does.  In Calvinism, there really is no difference between God and Satan.  Satan is merely another form of God.  God in disguise.  

(It's one thing to say that God is over Satan, that Satan can't do anything unless God allows it.  But it's another thing to say that God controls Satan, that God preplans and causes everything Satan does and that nothing different could have happened because we have no choice about how we respond to anything.)  

And this has probably made you question the point of prayer and wonder if we have any ability to resist evil or decide how to respond to temptations or trials or spiritual attacks.  You've probably wondered if anything we do or don't do makes any difference at all.  Because what will be, will be, right?  Didn't God plan it all and cause it all and control it all, and so we can't do anything to affect it or change it?  So what's the point of prayer?  Of spiritual warfare?  Of worrying about what we do or don't do or how we live or what we think?  Etc.  

(I once read of an adulterous man who was confronted by his Calvinist pastor about his affair... and the man asked the pastor something like "Aren't you the one who says that God ordains everything we do, even all sins and evils?  That whatever happens is God's Will and that we can't resist God's Will?  Therefore, my affair is God's Will, and I couldn't do anything to resist it."  And the Calvinist pastor had no good reply.)

Calvinism is a great way for Satan to create a whole bunch of ineffective Christians who can't effectively pray because they don't think prayer really does anything other than "show devotion to God" and who can't engage effectively in spiritual warfare because they think that it's all been planned out and that nothing they do can have any real effect on what happens.  It's tragic, and a huge detriment to the Church, as well as to their own lives.

This will be something you need to learn, maybe for the first time: what the spiritual battle is, how God has ordered the spiritual world (how it works), what our responsibilities are, what prayer is, and what effects we have on God's Will and on what happens.  

You need to learn what's God's job and what's yours - because sitting back and believing that God fully controls all things and that you don't really have an effect on what happens will make you a defenseless sitting-duck, unprepared for Satan's attacks and unable to defend yourself against them.  (If you're interested, read my series on "Understanding God's Will, with notes on Calvinism.")

8. Enjoy your journey out of Calvinism, the undoing of the brainwashing.  You broke free from an unbiblical, cult-ish theology, so rejoice and thank God!  Yes, there will be heartache and loss.  Yes, you will stumble along the way.  And yes, it will take time to heal your heart and rebuild your faith.  But you are on your way!  You've already taken to the first steps to freedom and healing.  And that's a good thing.  A very good thing!

And the farther you get from Calvinism and the closer you get to God's truth, the more refreshed your spirit will be.  It'll be like coming to the surface for a huge gulp of air after you've been drowning for years.  Like waking up from a nightmare you were trapped in and realizing that things are really okay, that it's going to be a good day.  Like being a baby Christian all over again, getting to experience God and His Word again with fresh eyes and new joy.  

And it will be good.  So enjoy it.  

(And when you're ready, use your story to help others get out of Calvinism and to heal too.  Sometimes, the best way for God to heal our pain is to use it for the good of others.)

Some other resources that might help:

Some websites (videos) against Calvinism (just because I link to someone doesn't mean I listened to or agree with everything they say, so be discerning for yourself): 

Soteriology 101 

Good Berean 

Idol Killer 

Beyond The Fundamentals (FYI: I do have some significant, potential concerns about him and the direction he's headed in.  And I don't like that pits himself against Leighton Flowers and Provisionism, though I kinda understand where he's coming from.  But I still don't think it's right - and I question his motives for doing it.  So overall, be careful and discerning for yourselves about him.)

*See a different list of videos at the very bottom, not related to Calvinism

Sermons: I recommend sermons by Tony Evans, Billy Graham, Greg Laurie, and Charles Stanley (not his son Andy Stanley, but Charles Stanley) - preachers who don't speak against Calvinism per se, but who just preach the Word as accurately as can be, which naturally opposes Calvinism.  [But see my note about Greg Laurie in the left sidebar.]  

And there's these two who do preach against Calvinism, among other things: Andy Woods and Ralph Yankee Arnold (a recommendation from my husband). 

Books: These are some books that were so encouraging to me, that helped revive my faith when leaving my Calvinist church.  Above all, I would recommend: 

Just Give Me Jesus by Anne Graham Lotz

Our God is Awesome by Tony Evans

Theology You Can Count On by Tony Evans (the must-have theology book for everyone!)

The Promise: Experiencing God's Greatest Gift, The Holy Spirit by Tony Evans

These are four books I think every Christian should have anyway, but especially if they are coming out of Calvinism.  These books have been so encouraging to my heart and healing to my soul and have helped immerse me in truth again.  (Neither author, though, talks against Calvinism directly.  They just preach truth!)

And for a few more recommendations:

Life Essentials and Kingdom Prayer by Tony Evans; any and every book by Tony Evans

Any book or sermon by Billy Graham, even his autobiography Just As I Am.  He is an evangelist for the seeker, the Every Man.  He keeps the messages simple and believes that salvation is available for everyone and that the gospel is meant for everyone.  (Basically, he's almost the polar opposite of Calvinism.)  And after years of Calvinism's lofty "only the elect" and "God predestines everything" and "God only really cares about His glory" lies, it's so refreshing to hear from someone who believes that the gospel message is simple and meant for all people and that God really does love us all. 

Any book by Max Lucado (I know lots of lofty Christians smirk at him because he's "Bible-lite."  But trust me, when you're coming out of lofty Calvinism, that's just what you need - books that get rid of all the heavy, academic stuff and that bring you right to the heart of faith again, of God's love for you.  And so in that way, Lucado books have been great and healing.)

Any book by C.S. Lewis (whom I love, not just as a writer but as a person, as a believer, his faith journey - I'm addicted to him!), such as Mere Christianity or Screwtape Letters or even my favorite biography about his life and faith called A Life Observed: A Spiritual Biography of C.S. Lewis by Devin Brown.

These are some books I've found helpful as I set out to undo the damage Calvinism has done. 

In addition to those faith books, I also recommend - to help rebuild your faith in God - books that validate the Bible, Jesus, and the existence of God, such as... 

Case for Faith and Case for Christ by Lee Strobel  [Here's his documentary The Case for Christ, about his journalistic efforts to disprove Jesus's resurrection - which ultimately led to him believing in Jesus's resurrection and accepting Jesus as his Lord and Savior.  And there's also a movie about it by the same name.]

More Than a Carpenter and Answers to Tough Questions skeptics ask about the Christian faith by Josh McDowell

Sometimes, after the damage Calvinism does to our faith, we need to get back to the very basics, the proofs for God, Jesus, and the Bible.  We need to be reminded why the Bible can be trusted so that we don't toss it out along with the Calvinism.

Music: And I highly recommend listening to some godly encouraging music, maybe while taking a walk or working in your garden, enjoying God's beautiful creation.  Sometimes music can reach into the places that words can't.  

Below are links to some of my favorite songs about who Jesus really is and why He really came.  (Hint: He came for everyone, out of love, to offer everyone salvation, forgiveness, healing, and hope.  Everyone!)  

These songs show the kind of Jesus I serve and why I love Him so much.

He loves all people with a saving love.  He died for everyone so that anyone can be saved, if only they will choose to believe in Him.  He is reaching out His hand to all people, asking us to grab onto Him, to let Him love us and heal us and save us!  All of us.  Everyone.  

This is my Jesus!  My God!  My Lord and Savior!  

(And I will continue to post and repost these songs because they are just so powerful!  So hopeful and truth-filled.)

Oh, What Love! by The City Harmonic (My favorite Christian band)

Sweetly Broken by Jeremy Riddle

Secret Ambition by Michael W. Smith

Living Water by Anne Wilson

I AM! by Crowder

Hallelujah Christmas by Cloverton

My Jesus by Todd Agnew

Confession (Agnus Dei) by The City Harmonic

Fell Apart by The City Harmonic (my favorite opening line ever!)

Love, Heal Me by The City Harmonic

By Your Side by Tenth Avenue North

Worn by Tenth Avenue North  (Can anyone else understand the feeling of being tired just from the effort it takes to "keep on breathing"?  But God is there, reaching for you, waiting for you to reach out for Him.)

Healing Begins by Tenth Avenue North

Strong Enough by Matthew West

Holy (Wedding Day) by The City Harmonic

Here and There by The City Harmonic ("If I'm barely hangin' on..."  I get that!)

The Champion by Carman

(And there are more great songs in these posts:  My "When Anxiety Strikes" Playlist and To All Who Are Ashamed or Hurting.)

Don't let Calvinism have the last word in your faith.  If your soul has been starving because of it, you need to get back to the basics, even if you've been a Christian for a long time.  Go back to the basics and let God's Truth replace the lies you've been told, heal your heart, refresh your soul, and help you learn to trust God and fall in love with Jesus all over again.

God bless you on your journey out of Calvinism.  You are on your way to healing, and it's going to be good.

---------------------------------------------------------------

And second is a small section from "A Word to Worried Calvinists":

To the Calvinists who are starting to realize they've been led astray:

If you're a Calvinist who's getting worried right now because you're thinking "Oh no!  I've been believing a lie all this time!  What do I do?  What should I think?", let me just say this: Don't worry, because the true biblical truth is even more beautiful than what you've been told by Calvinists.  What God did for you, He can do for anyone.  

God loves all people and wants all people to be saved (not just the elect).  Jesus died for all people, paying for all men's sins on the cross (not just the elect).  And He offers the gift of eternal life to all people, for anyone to accept.  No one is beyond God's reach, beyond His love, grace, forgiveness, healing, salvation, etc.  It's for all people, not just the elect.  And so no one is hopeless.  No one is predestined to hell, unable to be saved.  God loves all, Jesus died for all, and God offers salvation to all (but He leaves it up to us to accept it or reject it).  

But in Calvinism, God truly loves only the elect, Jesus died for only the elect, and God offers salvation only to the elect and so only the elect can/will be saved, and so the non-elect have no hope at all, no chance to be saved.  

The truth biblical truth of the gospel is so much more wonderful, hope-filled, gracious, loving, etc., than what Calvinism teaches, because in the Bible, no one is beyond hope.  Anyone can be saved.  

(Not to mention that in the Bible, God is not the cause of sin and unbelief, but He gives us the ability to choose our own decisions/actions and then He responds accordingly.  But in Calvinism, He is the ultimate cause of all sin and unbelief but then He holds us responsible for it, for what He predestined and caused.  Can you see the damage this does to God's character and to people's faith in Him and trust of Him?)  

The truth of the Bible is so much more beautiful and hope-filled and life-giving and "for all people" than Calvinism ever could be.  And so don't worry.  When you give up Calvinism for the plain teachings of the Bible, you get something so much better!

---------------------------------------------------------------

*Videos about creation and evolution: I also recommend these to help validate the Bible and bolster your faith in it.  Sometimes to rebuild our faith, we need to go back to the beginning, the very beginning.  (I might just as easily call this part "healing your soul from evolution's damage."  Because if you can't trust what God said in Genesis, can you really trust what He said anywhere else in the Bible?  Undermining Genesis undermines God's Word and the validity of the Bible.):

What's the Best "Proof" of Creation (3.5 minutes)

Rock layers and fossils prove a worldwide flood (1 hour)

Fossils and the Flood (3.5 minutes)

Science Confirms the Bible (1 1/2 hours) 

Atheists will hate this video (1 hour) 

The Grand Canyon proves there was a flood (13 minutes)

Did Dinosaurs Walk With Man - a 45-minute seminar from Genesis Apologetics

God of Wonders - an hour and a half "documentary" on the wonders of the God's creation

One Race, One Blood 

Six Days, the Age of the Earth, and the Authority of Scripture 

Science Confirms Noah's Ark and the Flood

Ken Ham on "Why They Won't Listen": Part 1 (20 minutes) ... Part 2 (20 minutes) ... Part 3 (13 minutes)

Kent Hovind Creation Series (long videos, 1-2 hour each):  
Part 1: The Age of the Earth
Part 2: The Garden of Eden

Part 3: Dinosaurs and the Bible

Part 4: Lies in the Textbook
Part 5: The Dangers of Evolution
Part 6: The Hovind Theory
Part 7 part 1: Questions and Answers
Part 7 part 2: Questions and Answers

Evidence for a World-Wide Flood - Operation Wisconsin Dells from Creation Today [Notice how the young male "scientist" wants to consider any other explanation for what he sees than a world-wide flood.  And notice around the 41-minute mark how he says "reality is based on perspective" and calls his ideas "my reality" and says "I decide...," as if our beliefs determine what's real and what's not.  This is what students are being taught nowadays.  But is reality really reality if it can change based on someone's beliefs?  One person believes a world-wide flood happened; one person believes it didn't happen.  Can both be true?  Are both reality?  Does our belief about what happened make it so?  Is there anything such as "reality" anymore if reality can shift as we want it to?  And can science and "reality is based on perspective" really go together anyway?  Wouldn't "reality is based on perspective" be the exact opposite of science?  But this is what scientists are being taught nowadays.  God help our society!  I can see now how we got medical "professionals" and scientists who claim there is no such thing as male and female.  It's an upside-down world.  Ridiculous.  Very Alice-in-Wonderlandy.)

From Search for the Truth Ministries (I'm really enjoying these!):

Let us introduce ourselves ... (A 56-minute video totally worth watching.  The social experiment in the eye doctor's office alone made it worth watching.  It had me completely giggling, even later in the day as I thought about it again.  Even many months later now I still think about it, shake my head, and giggle.  We are so gullible!)

The Rocks Cry Out Lesson 1 (Science testifies to Creation)   

The Rocks Cry Out Lesson 2 (the Red Record)

The Rocks Cry Out Lesson 3 (Design testifies to Creation)

The Rocks Cry Out Lesson 4 (Noah's Flood and Geology)

The Rocks Cry Out Lesson 5 (Dragons and Dinosaurs)

(You can find the rest of the lessons on their website.)

And here's the Answers in Genesis website for many more videos.

Also, if you want, see my posts "Maybe 'millions of years' is actually just 40 days!" and "Though they have eyes, they will not see" and "If it's not natural, maybe it's ..." and "Is Evolution True?" and "Starting the new school year with Creation vs. Evolution".